Make Believe Your Are Jewish
"The Sneetches" by Dr. Seuss
Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches Had bellies with stars. The Plain-Belly Sneetches Had none upon thars. Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all. But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches Would brag,
"We're the best kind of Sneetch on the Beaches." With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort "We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!" And whenever they met some, when they were out walking, They'd hike right on past them without even talking. When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball, Could a Plain Belly get in the game... ? Not at all.
You only could play if your bellies had stars. And the Plain Belly children had none upon thars. When the Star-Belly Sneetches had frankfurter roasts Or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts, They never invited the Plain-Belly Sneetches. They left them out cold, in the dark of the beaches. They kept them away. Never let them come near. And that's how they treated them year after year.
Then ONE day, it seems... while the Plain-Belly Sneetches Were moping and doping alone on the beaches, Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars... A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars! "My friends," he announced in a voice clear and keen, "My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean. And I've heard of your troubles.
I've heard you're unhappy. But I can fix that. I'm the Fix-it-Up Chappie. I've come here to help you. I have what you need. And my prices are low. And I work at great speed. And my work is one hundred percent guaranteed!" Then, quickly Sylvester McMonkey McBean Put together a very peculiar machine. And he said, "You want stars like a Star-Belly Sneetch... ? My friends, you can have them for three dollars
each!" "Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!" So they clambered inside. Then the big machine roared And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked. And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!
When the Plain-Belly Sneetches popped out, they had stars! They actually did. They had stars upon thars! Then they yelled at the ones who had stars at the start, "We're exactly like you! You can't tell us apart. We're all just the same, now, you snooty old smarties! And now we can go to your frankfurter parties." "Good grief!" groaned the ones who had stars at the first. "We're still the best Sneetches and they are the worst. But, now, how in the world will we know," they all frowned, "If which kind is what, or the other way round?"
Then up came McBean with a very sly wink And he said, "Things are not quite as bad as you think. So you don't know who's who. That is perfectly true. But come with me, friends. Do you know what I'll do? I'll make you, again, the best Sneetches on the beaches And all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches." "Belly stars are no longer in style," said McBean. "What you need is a trip through my Star-Off Machine. This wondrous contraption will take off your stars So you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thars." And that handy machine Working very precisely Removed all the stars from their tummies quite nicely.
Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about And they opened their beaks and they let out a shout, "We know who is who! Now there isn't a doubt. The best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without!" Then, of course, those with stars got frightfully mad. To be wearing a star now was frightfully bad. Then, of course, old Sylvester McMonkey McBean Invited them into his Star-Off Machine. Then, of course from
THEN on, as you probably guess, Things really got into a horrible mess. All the rest of that day, on those wild screaming beaches, The Fix-it-Up Chappie kept fixing up Sneetches. Off again! On again! In again! Out again! Through the machines they raced round and about again, Changing their stars every minute or two. They kept paying money. They kept running through Until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew Whether this one was that one... or that one was this one Or which one was what one... of what one was who. Then, when every last cent Of their money was spent, The Fix-it-Up Chappie packed up And he went. And he laughed as he drove In his car up the beach, "They never will learn. No. You can't teach a Sneetch!"
But McBean was quite wrong. I'm quite happy to say That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day, The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches. That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars.
And whether they had one, or not, upon thars.

(ד) ד"א אף חובב עמים - מלמד שלא חלק הקב"ה חיבה לאומות העולם כדרך שחלק לישראל, תדע לך שכן הוא, שהרי אמרו: גזילו של נכרי מותר ושל ישראל אסור. וכבר שלחה מלכות שני סרדיטאות ואמר להם: לכו ועשו עצמיכם גרים וראו תורתן של ישראל, מה טיבה? הלכו להם אצל רבן גמליאל לאושה, וקראו את המקרא ושנו את המשנה, מדרש הלכות ואגדות. בשעת פטירתם אמרו להם: כל תורתכם נאה ומשובחת חוץ מדבר אחד: גזלו של גוי מותר ושל ישראל אסור - ודבר זה אין אנו מודיעים אותו למלכות:

(4) Variantly: "He also loved the peoples": We are hereby taught that the Holy One Blessed be He did not apportion love to the nations of the world in the manner that He did to Israel. Know this to be so for they said that the theft of a gentile is permitted, and, of a Jew, forbidden. And it, indeed, transpired that the monarchy once sent two commissioners, instructing them: Go and make yourselves converts and see what the Torah of Israel is like. (They did so) and they went to R. Gamliel to Usha, and studied Scripture, Mishnah, Medrash, halachoth, and aggadoth. Before dying they said: All of your Torah is beautiful and praiseworthy, except for one thing — the theft of a gentile is permitted, and that of a Jew, forbidden — but we will not reveal this to the monarchy.

Y. Megillah 1:12 72b = Y. Megillah 3:2 74a
Antoninus said to Rabbi, will you let me eat of leviathan in the world to come? He (Rabbi) said to him, yes. He (Antoninus) said to him, from the Paschal lamb you will not let me eat, but you will let me eat of leviathan?
He (Rabbi) said to him, what can I do for you when it says, (Exodus 12:48) no person who is uncircumcised shall eat of it?
When he heard of this, He(Antoninus) went and was circumcised.
He (Antoninus) came back and said to him, my master look at my circumcision.
He (Rabbi) said to him, I have never looked at my own, why would I look at yours?

והתניא וכן מצינו במשה רבינו כשהשביע את ישראל בערבות מואב אמר להם הוו יודעים שלא על דעתכם אני משביע אתכם אלא על דעתי ועל דעת המקום שנאמר ולא אתכם לבדכם וגו' (דברים כט יג) מאי אמר להו משה לישראל לאו הכי קאמר להו דלמא עבידתון מילי ואמריתון על דעתינו משום הכי אמר להו על דעתי לאפוקי מאי לאו לאפוקי דאסיקו שמא לעבודת כוכבים אלוה מכלל דעביד איניש דמשתבע אדעתא דנפשיה לא עבודת כוכבים איקרי אלוה דכתיב ובכל אלהי מצרים וגו' ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון מצוות משמע מצוַת המלך ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון כל מצוות משמע מצוַת ציצית דאמר מר שקולה מצוַת ציצית כנגד כל מצוות שבתורה ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון תורה משמע תורה אחת ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון תורות משמע תורת מנחה תורת חטאת תורת אשם ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון [תורות] ומצוות [תורות] משמע תורת המנחה מצוות משמע מצות המלך ולשבע יתהון דמקיימיתון תורה כולה תורה כולה משמע עבודת כוכבים דתניא חמורה עבודת כוכבים שכל הכופר בה כאילו מודה בתורה כולה

But isn’t it taught in a baraita: And so we found with regard to Moses our teacher. When he administered an oath to the Jewish people in the plains of Moab, that they accept the Torah upon themselves, he said to them: Know that I do not administer an oath upon you according to your understanding and the stipulations in your hearts but according to my understanding and the understanding of the Omnipresent, as it is stated: “Neither with you only do I make this covenant” (Deuteronomy 29:13). What did Moses say to Israel? Isn’t this what he said to them: Perhaps you will perform negative actions, i.e., transgressions, and say: The oath was taken according to our understanding. Due to that reason, he said to them: You take the oath according to my understanding. The Gemara clarifies: What did his warning come to exclude? Does it not serve to exclude the possibility that they give the title God, to an object of idol worship and say that this was their intention when they took an oath to worship God? The fact that Moses needed to preclude this claim indicates by inference that a person commonly takes an oath according to his own understanding. The Gemara responds: No, idol worship is also called: God, in the Bible, as it is written: “And against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgments” (Exodus 12:12). Therefore, this would not have been a special stipulation in their minds but a misguided intention within the oath itself. Moses suspected this and therefore issued the warning. The Gemara asks: And why did Moses have to state the oath with this warning? Let him administer an oath to them with the words: That you will fulfill the mitzvot, which also includes the prohibition against idol worship. The Gemara answers: The word mitzvot, meaning commandments, could also indicate the commandments of the king, and this might be their intention if they were to take an oath in this manner. The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath to them with the words: That you will fulfill all the mitzvot. The Gemara answers: This too does not suffice, because this phrase could indicate specifically the mitzva of ritual fringes, as the Master said: The mitzva of ritual fringes is equivalent to all the mitzvot in the Torah. Consequently, if they would accept upon themselves: All the mitzvot, they may have intended to refer only to the mitzva of ritual fringes. The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath to them: That you fulfill the Torah. The Gemara answers: That phrase indicates only one Torah, the Written Torah and not the Oral Torah. The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath: That you fulfill the Torahs, in the plural, to include both the Written Torah and Oral Torah. The Gemara answers: This too does not necessarily include the entire Torah, since it is possible that it indicates the Torah of the meal-offering, the Torah of the sin-offering, and the Torah of the guilt-offering. The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath: That you fulfill the Torahs and mitzvot. The Gemara answers: This also does not include the entire Torah, because the word Torahs could indicate the Torah of the meal-offering, and mitzvot could indicate the commandments of the king. The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath: That you fulfill the entire Torah. The Gemara answers: Fulfilling the entire Torah could indicate specifically the denial of idol worship, which is also deemed fulfilling the entire Torah, as it is taught in a baraita: Idol worship is so severe a sin that anyone who denies it is considered as though he concedes to the truth of the entire Torah.