Setting the Table

רבי יוסי בר יהודה אומר שני מלאכי השרת מלוין לו לאדם בערב שבת מבית הכנסת לביתו אחד טוב ואחד רע

וכשבא לביתו ומצא נר דלוק ושלחן ערוך ומטתו מוצעת מלאך טוב

אומר יהי רצון שתהא לשבת אחרת כך

ומלאך רע עונה אמן בעל כרחו

ואם לאו מלאך רע אומר יהי רצון שתהא לשבת אחרת כך

ומלאך טוב עונה אמן בעל כרחו

Rabbi Yosei bar Yehuda says: Two ministering angels accompany a person on Shabbat evening from the synagogue to their home, one good angel and one evil angel.

And when they reach their home and find a lamp burning and a table set and their bed made, the good angel says: May it be Your will that it shall be like this for another Shabbat.

And the evil angel answers against their will: Amen.

And if the person’s home is not prepared for Shabbat in that manner, the evil angel says: May it be Your will that it shall be so for another Shabbat.

And the good angel answers against their will: Amen.

  • What is your gut reaction to this Talmudic passage? What emotion(s) does it bring up in you?
  • What do you think this passage is trying to teach us about ourselves?
  • What does this passage want you to know about about Shabbat?
Atomic Habits by James Clear, redacted
Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. The same way that money multiplies through compound interest, the effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous. It is only when looking back two, five, or perhaps ten years later that the value of good habits and the cost of bad ones becomes strikingly apparent.
This can be a difficult concept to appreciate in daily life. We often dismiss small changes because they don’t seem to matter very much in the moment. If you save a little money now, you’re still not a millionaire. If you go to the gym three days in a row, you’re still out of shape. If you study Mandarin for an hour tonight, you still haven’t learned the language. We make a few changes, but the results never seem to come quickly and so we slide back into our previous routines.
...a slight change in your daily habits can guide your life to a very different destination. Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.
The first layer is changing your outcomes. This level is concerned with changing your results: losing weight, publishing a book, winning a championship. Most of the goals you set are associated with this level of change.
The second layer is changing your process. This level is concerned with changing your habits and systems: implementing a new routine at the gym, decluttering your desk for better workflow, developing a meditation practice. Most of the habits you build are associated with this level.
The third and deepest layer is changing your identity. This level is concerned with changing your beliefs: your worldview, your self-image, your judgments about yourself and others. Most of the beliefs, assumptions, and biases you hold are associated with this level. Outcomes are about what you get. Processes are about what you do. Identity is about what you believe.
  • What habits are challenging when it comes to hosting Shabbat dinner?
  • Discuss with your partner the three layers of behavior change and how they relate to setting up your home for Shabbat. Identify:
    • One desired outcome
    • One process change
    • One worldview or self-perception you'd like to adopt