Exploring Elul: Comfort & Return

(ג) אֲנִ֤י לְדוֹדִי֙ וְדוֹדִ֣י לִ֔י

א ל ו ל

(3) I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine

The word Elul has the numerical value of the word binah “understanding”. Through understanding comes T’shuvah, as it is written (Isaiah 6:10): “And understanding with their heart, return, and be healed.”
(Siddur Rabbi Yaabetz)
All the month of Elul before eating and sleeping let every man sit and look into his soul, and search his deeds, that he may make confession.
(Maharil, 1365-1427, Germany)
My dear
In the midst of strife, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was within me, an invincible calm.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me, there lay, an invincible summer. And, that makes me happy.
For it says, that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger…
(Albert Camus, 1913-1960)
(א) לְדָוִ֨ד ׀ יְהוָ֤ה ׀ אוֹרִ֣י וְ֭יִשְׁעִי מִמִּ֣י אִירָ֑א יְהוָ֥ה מָֽעוֹז־חַ֝יַּ֗י מִמִּ֥י אֶפְחָֽד׃ (ב) בִּקְרֹ֤ב עָלַ֨י ׀ מְרֵעִים֮ לֶאֱכֹ֪ל אֶת־בְּשָׂ֫רִ֥י צָרַ֣י וְאֹיְבַ֣י לִ֑י הֵ֖מָּה כָשְׁל֣וּ וְנָפָֽלוּ׃ (ג) אִם־תַּחֲנֶ֬ה עָלַ֨י ׀ מַחֲנֶה֮ לֹֽא־יִירָ֪א לִ֫בִּ֥י אִם־תָּק֣וּם עָ֭לַי מִלְחָמָ֑ה בְּ֝זֹ֗את אֲנִ֣י בוֹטֵֽחַ׃ (ד) אַחַ֤ת ׀ שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יְהוָה֮ אוֹתָ֪הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הוָה כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹֽעַם־יְ֝הוָ֗ה וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵיכָלֽוֹ׃ (ה) כִּ֤י יִצְפְּנֵ֨נִי ׀ בְּסֻכֹּה֮ בְּי֪וֹם רָ֫עָ֥ה יַ֭סְתִּרֵנִי בְּסֵ֣תֶר אָהֳל֑וֹ בְּ֝צ֗וּר יְרוֹמְמֵֽנִי׃ (ו) וְעַתָּ֨ה יָר֪וּם רֹאשִׁ֡י עַ֤ל אֹֽיְבַ֬י סְֽבִיבוֹתַ֗י וְאֶזְבְּחָ֣ה בְ֭אָהֳלוֹ זִבְחֵ֣י תְרוּעָ֑ה אָשִׁ֥ירָה וַ֝אֲזַמְּרָ֗ה לַיהוָֽה׃ (ז) שְׁמַע־יְהוָ֖ה קוֹלִ֥י אֶקְרָ֗א וְחָנֵּ֥נִי וַעֲנֵֽנִי׃ (ח) לְךָ֤ ׀ אָמַ֣ר לִ֭בִּי בַּקְּשׁ֣וּ פָנָ֑י אֶת־פָּנֶ֖יךָ יְהוָ֣ה אֲבַקֵּֽשׁ׃ (ט) אַל־תַּסְתֵּ֬ר פָּנֶ֨יךָ ׀ מִמֶּנִּי֮ אַֽל־תַּט־בְּאַ֗ף עַ֫בְדֶּ֥ךָ עֶזְרָתִ֥י הָיִ֑יתָ אַֽל־תִּטְּשֵׁ֥נִי וְאַל־תַּֽ֝עַזְבֵ֗נִי אֱלֹהֵ֥י יִשְׁעִֽי׃ (י) כִּי־אָבִ֣י וְאִמִּ֣י עֲזָב֑וּנִי וַֽיהוָ֣ה יַֽאַסְפֵֽנִי׃ (יא) ה֤וֹרֵ֥נִי יְהוָ֗ה דַּ֫רְכֶּ֥ךָ וּ֭נְחֵנִי בְּאֹ֣רַח מִישׁ֑וֹר לְ֝מַ֗עַן שׁוֹרְרָֽי׃ (יב) אַֽל־תִּ֭תְּנֵנִי בְּנֶ֣פֶשׁ צָרָ֑י כִּ֥י קָֽמוּ־בִ֥י עֵֽדֵי־שֶׁ֝֗קֶר וִיפֵ֥חַ חָמָֽס׃ (יג) לׅׄוּלֵׅׄ֗אׅׄ הֶ֭אֱמַנְתִּי לִרְא֥וֹת בְּֽטוּב־יְהוָ֗ה בְּאֶ֣רֶץ חַיִּֽים׃ (יד) קַוֵּ֗ה אֶל־יְה֫וָ֥ה חֲ֭זַק וְיַאֲמֵ֣ץ לִבֶּ֑ךָ וְ֝קַוֵּ֗ה אֶל־יְהוָֽה׃

God is my light and my refuge secure —

Whom Shall I Fear?

God is the stronghold of my life —

of whom should I be afraid?

When those who act with malice

would devour me with words,

it is they who stumble,

they who fall.

If an army were to take up arms against me,

my heart would not fear.

If War were waged against me,

still I would trust.

Just one thing I have asked of God;

only this do I seek:

to dwell in God's house all the days of my life,

to behold divine sweetness and beauty,

and to gaze in delight at God's temple.

God shelters me in times of hardship,

Shields me in a tent of divine protection,

raises me high upon a rock

so that now my head rises above the enemies around me.

Let me make offerings in that tent — the offerings of a joyful cry.

Let me sing hymns,

and celebrate the one who is eternal — Adonai.

Hear my voice when I call;

God, answer me with grace.

My heart spoke for you — it said: “Seek My face.”

Your face, Adonai, I will seek.

Do not hide Your face from me,

nor angrily turn away Your faithful one —

the one You have sustained.

My God-of-rescue, do not desert me!

When my father and my mother have gone,

God will gather me in.

Teach me Your way, Adonai;

and guide me on a straight path,

because of those who lie in wait for me.

Do not hand me over to the will of foes

who rose against me —

lying witnesses and those whose very breath is violence.

If only I could believe that I will see God's goodness

in the land of the living…

Wait for Adonai.

Be strong of heart, and be bold — but wait for Adonai.

Translation from Mishkan HaLev

From Mishkan HaLev: Prayers for S'lichot and the Month of Elul
Traditionally, this psalm is read every day of Elul. Its verses reflect a range of human emotion and a wavering sense of faith appropriate to these days of spiritual struggle. The speaker's confident serenity is disrupted by an anxious awareness of surroundings threats. Not certainty but quest is the dominant mood: the search for light, peace, and strength in tumultuous times. The last verse — “wait for Adonai” — suggests the value of repeated recitation of the psalm. Courage and inner peace come with patience, discipline, and development of a spiritual practice.
(ד) אַחַ֤ת ׀ שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יְהוָה֮ אוֹתָ֪הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הוָה כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹֽעַם־יְ֝הוָ֗ה וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵיכָלֽוֹ׃

Music by Chava Mirel:

Achat sha'alti mei-eit Adonai

Achat sha'alti, otah avakeish

Shivti, shivti, b'veit Adonai

Shivti, shivti, kol y'mei chayai

lachazot b'noam Adonai

ul'vakeir b'heichalo

lachazot b'noam Adonai

to gaze upon the beauty of Adonai

One thing, one thing I ask you Adonai

To be with You, all of my life