ESAU, the Masquerade a gathering of totally legitimate evidence that Esau is a vampire
a gathering of "evidence" that Esau was a vampire, based on Rabbi Natan Slifkin's article here: http://www.rationalistjudaism.com/2011/12/was-eisav-vampire.html suitable for any Twilight purimshpieln where the line of Esau is vampires and the line of Benjamin is werewolves, so Haman vs Mordechai is vampires vs werewolves

(כד) וַיִּקָּחֵ֔ם וַיַּֽעֲבִרֵ֖ם אֶת־הַנָּ֑חַל וַֽיַּעֲבֵ֖ר אֶת־אֲשֶׁר־לוֹ׃ (כה) וַיִּוָּתֵ֥ר יַעֲקֹ֖ב לְבַדּ֑וֹ וַיֵּאָבֵ֥ק אִישׁ֙ עִמּ֔וֹ עַ֖ד עֲל֥וֹת הַשָּֽׁחַר׃ (כו) וַיַּ֗רְא כִּ֣י לֹ֤א יָכֹל֙ ל֔וֹ וַיִּגַּ֖ע בְּכַף־יְרֵכ֑וֹ וַתֵּ֙קַע֙ כַּף־יֶ֣רֶךְ יַעֲקֹ֔ב בְּהֵֽאָבְק֖וֹ עִמּֽוֹ׃ (כז) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר שַׁלְּחֵ֔נִי כִּ֥י עָלָ֖ה הַשָּׁ֑חַר וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ לֹ֣א אֲשַֽׁלֵּחֲךָ֔ כִּ֖י אִם־בֵּרַכְתָּֽנִי׃ (כח) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו מַה־שְּׁמֶ֑ךָ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר יַעֲקֹֽב׃ (כט) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר לֹ֤א יַעֲקֹב֙ יֵאָמֵ֥ר עוֹד֙ שִׁמְךָ֔ כִּ֖י אִם־יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל כִּֽי־שָׂרִ֧יתָ עִם־אֱלֹהִ֛ים וְעִם־אֲנָשִׁ֖ים וַתּוּכָֽל׃

(24) And he took them across the stream, and he sent across all his possessions. (25) And Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. (26) And he saw that he had not prevailed against him, and he wrenched Jacob’s hip at its socket, and that the socket of his hip was strained as he wrestled with him. (27) (27) And he said, “Release me, for dawn is breaking.” But he answered, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” (28) And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” (29) And he said, “No longer shall your name be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have struggled with God and men, and have prevailed.”

Q: Why did he attack Jacob before he crossed the river?
A: Because vampires can't cross running water!

Q: Why did he have to escape when dawn began?
A: Because vampires are weak to sunlight!

Q: Why had Jacob struggled with God and man?
A: Because vampires are immortal, like God, but sinful, like man!
(כב) וַיִּגַּ֧שׁ יַעֲקֹ֛ב אֶל־יִצְחָ֥ק אָבִ֖יו וַיְמֻשֵּׁ֑הוּ וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הַקֹּל֙ ק֣וֹל יַעֲקֹ֔ב וְהַיָּדַ֖יִם יְדֵ֥י עֵשָֽׂו׃ (כג) וְלֹ֣א הִכִּיר֔וֹ כִּֽי־הָי֣וּ יָדָ֗יו כִּידֵ֛י עֵשָׂ֥ו אָחִ֖יו שְׂעִרֹ֑ת וַֽיְבָרְכֵֽהוּ׃

(22) And Jacob drew close to his father Isaac, and he felt him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, yet the hands are the hands of Esau.” (23) And he did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; and so he blessed him.

Q: Why are Esau's hands hairy?
A: Because vampires have hairy palms!

(ד) וַיָּ֨רָץ עֵשָׂ֤ו לִקְרָאתוֹ֙ וַֽיְחַבְּקֵ֔הוּ וַיִּפֹּ֥ל עַל־צַוָּארָ֖ו וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ וַיִּבְכּֽוּ׃

(4) And Esau ran to greet him, and he embraced him, and he fell on his neck, ȧṅḋ ḱiṡṡėḋ ḣiṁ, and they wept.

(ח) כשעבר לבא בארץ כנען, בא עליו עשו מהר שעיר בזעף אף זומם להרגו שנ' זומם רשע לצדיק אמ' עשו איני הורג את יעקב בחצים ובקשת אלא בפי אני הורגו ומוצץ את דמו שנ' וירץ עשו לקראתו וישקהו אל תהי קורא וישקהו אלא וינשכהו ונעשה צוארו עמוד כמגדל השן צוארך וקהו שיניו של אותו רשע וכיון שראה שלא עלתה בידו תאותו התחיל כועס וחורק בשיניו שנ' רשע יראה וכעס שיניו יחרוק ונמס.

(8) When Jacob passed to come into the land of Canaan, Esau came to him from Mount Seir in violent anger, contriving to slay him, as it is said, "The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth" (Ps. 37:12). Esau said: I will not slay Jacob with bow and arrows, but with my mouth and with my teeth will I slay him, and suck his blood, as it is said, "And Esau ran to greet him, and he embraced him, and he fell on his neck, ȧṅḋ ḱiṡṡėḋ ḣiṁ, and they wept." (Gen. 33:4). Do not read ẇȧẏiṡḣȧḱėḣú (ȧṅḋ ḱiṡṡėḋ ḣiṁ,), but (read) wayinshkehu (and bit him). But Jacob's neck became like ivory, and concerning him the Scripture says, "Thy neck is like the tower of ivory" (Cant. 7:4). The wicked (Esau's) teeth became blunt, and when the wicked one saw that the desire of his heart was not realized he began to be angry, and to gnash with his teeth, as it is said, "The wicked shall see it, and be grieved; he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away" (Ps. 112:10).

Q: Why did Esau try to bite him on the neck to suck his blood?
A: Because vampires bite people on the neck to suck their blood!

חושים בריה דדן תמן הוה ויקירן ליה אודניה אמר להו מאי האי ואמרו ליה קא מעכב האי עד דאתי נפתלי מארעא דמצרים אמר להו ועד דאתי נפתלי מארעא דמצרים יהא אבי אבא מוטל בבזיון שקל קולפא מחייה ארישיה נתרן עיניה ונפלו אכרעא דיעקב פתחינהו יעקב לעיניה ואחיך והיינו דכתיב (תהלים נח, יא) ישמח צדיק כי חזה נקם פעמיו ירחץ בדם הרשע

Hushim, the son of Dan, was there and his ears were heavy. He said to them: What is this? And they said to him: This one, Esau, is stopping us until Naphtali comes from the land of Egypt. He said to them: And until Naphtali comes from the land of Egypt will Father’s father lie in degradation? He took a wooden stick and beheaded him, and his eyes fell out and they fell on the legs of Jacob. Jacob opened his eyes and smiled. And this is that which is written: “The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance; he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked” (Psalms 58:11).

Q: Why was Esau killed with a wooden stick and beheaded?
A: Because vampires can be killed by a wooden stick and beheading!

ושמואל אמר מבעה זה השן דכתיב (עובדיה א, ו) איך נחפשו עשו נבעו מצפוניו

And Shmuel says: Mav'eh, this is of the Fang, as it is written: “How is Esau searched out; how are his hidden parts revealed [nav'u]” (Obadiah 1:6)?

Q: Why is a verse about Esau used to define damages from the fang?
A: Because vampires have fangs which are hidden parts that are revealed when they're about to bite!

אמר רבי יוחנן חמש עבירות עבר אותו רשע באותו היום בא על נערה מאורסה והרג את הנפש...

בא על נערה מאורסה כתיב הכא (בראשית כה, כט) ויבא עשו מן השדה וכתיב התם (דברים כב, כז) כי בשדה מצאה הרג את הנפש כתיב הכא עיף וכתיב התם (ירמיהו ד, לא) אוי נא לי כי עיפה נפשי להורגים

Rabbi Yoḥanan says: That wicked Esau committed five transgressions on that day: He engaged in sexual intercourse with a betrothed maiden, he killed a person...

He engaged in sexual intercourse with a betrothed maiden, as it is written here: “And Esau came in from the field”; and it is written there: “For he found her in a field” (Deuteronomy 22:27). He killed a person, as it is written here: “And he was faint”; and it is written there: “Woe is me, for my soul faints before the slayers” (Jeremiah 4:31).

Q: Why did Esau seduce a young woman and commit murder?
A: Because vampires seduce young women and commit murder!

(כה) וַיֵּצֵ֤א הָרִאשׁוֹן֙ אַדְמוֹנִ֔י כֻּלּ֖וֹ כְּאַדֶּ֣רֶת שֵׂעָ֑ר וַיִּקְרְא֥וּ שְׁמ֖וֹ עֵשָֽׂו׃

(25) And first one came out red, like a hairy mantle all over; and they named him Esau.

(ל) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר עֵשָׂ֜ו אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹ֗ב הַלְעִיטֵ֤נִי נָא֙ מִן־הָאָדֹ֤ם הָאָדֹם֙ הַזֶּ֔ה כִּ֥י עָיֵ֖ף אָנֹ֑כִי עַל־כֵּ֥ן קָרָֽא־שְׁמ֖וֹ אֱדֽוֹם׃

(30) And Esau said to Jacob, “Give me some of that red red stuff to gulp down, for I am famished”—which is why he was named Edom.

(בראשית כ״ה:כ״ט) וַיָּזֶד יַעֲקֹב נָזִיד וַיָּבֹא עֵשָׂו מִן הַשָּׂדֶה וְהוּא עָיֵף. אָמַר רִבִּי אֶלְעָזָר, וַיָּזֶד יַעֲקֹב, הָא אוּקְמוּהָ דְּהָא בְּגִין אֲבֵלוּתָא דְאַבְרָהָם הֲוָה, אֲבָל וַיָּזֶד יִצְחָק נָזִיד מִבָּעֵי לֵיהּ, אֶלָא וַיָּזֶד יַעֲקֹב נָזִיד, דְּאִיהוּ הֲוָה יָדַע עִקָּרָא דִילֵיהּ, בְּהַהוּא סִטְרָא דְּאִתְדָּבַּק בֵּיהּ, וּבְגִין כָּךְ עֲבַד תַּבְשִׁילִין סוּמְקִין. עֲדָשִׁים, תַּבְשִׁיל סוּמְקָא, דְּתַבְשִׁילָא דָא מִתְבַּר חֵילָא וְתוּקְפָא דְּדָמָא סוּמְקָא בָּגִין לְתַבָּרָא תּוּקְפֵיהּ וְחֵילֵיהּ. וּבְגִין כָּךְ, עֲבַד לֵיהּ בְּחָכְמְתָא, כְּהַהוּא גַּוְונָא סוּמְקָא.

Of the verse, "And Jacob cooked a pottage, and Esau came from the field, and he was faint," Rabbi Elazar explained that, "And Jacob cooked," refers to the mourning for Abraham. But should not it have been written, 'And Isaac cooked a pottage,'? "Jacob cooked a pottage," because Jacob knew the origin (139b) of Esau and the side he cleaved to. Therefore, he cooked red dishes, namely, red lentils, for this dish breaks the power and might of the red blood, and can break the power and might of Esau, who is the secret of the red blood, as it is written, "And the first one came out red" (Gen. 25:25).

Q: Why does Jacob make Esau red lentils?
A: Because vampires derive their power from blood, and red lentils replace red blood!

מָה רָאָה אָבִינוּ יַעֲקֹב שֶׁנָּתַן נַפְשׁוֹ עַל הַבְּכוֹרָה?

What did our father Jacob see that he gave his life for the birthright?

(יא) כִּ֣י נֶ֣פֶשׁ הַבָּשָׂר֮ בַּדָּ֣ם הִוא֒ וַאֲנִ֞י נְתַתִּ֤יו לָכֶם֙ עַל־הַמִּזְבֵּ֔חַ לְכַפֵּ֖ר עַל־נַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶ֑ם כִּֽי־הַדָּ֥ם ה֖וּא בַּנֶּ֥פֶשׁ יְכַפֵּֽר׃

(11) For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have assigned it to you for making expiation for your lives upon the altar; it is the blood, as life, that effects expiation.

Q: Why would the midrash say Jacob gave his life for the birthright?
A: Because vampires want to drink blood, and the life is in the blood, so Jacob fed Esau some of his blood for the birthright!