דבר אחר: מהו בקש שלום ורדפהו? מעשה ברבי מאיר, שהיה יושב ודורש וכו'. הלכה: אותה אשה לביתה, שהיה ליל שבת ומצאה הנר שלה שכבה. אמר לה בעלה: היכן היית עד עכשיו? אמרה לו: שומעת הייתי לרבי מאיר דורש, והיה אותו האיש ליצן. אמר לה: בכך וכך אין את נכנסת לביתי, עד שתלכי ותרוקי בפניו של רבי מאיר. יצאה לה מביתו. נגלה אליהו זכור לטוב על רבי מאיר, אמר לו: הרי בשבילך יצאה האשה מביתה. הודיעו אליהו זכור לטוב, היאך היה המעשה. מה עשה רבי מאיר? הלך וישב לו בבהמ"ד הגדול. באתה אותה אשה להתפלל וראה אותה ועשה עצמו מתפסק. אמר: מי יודע ללחוש לעין? אמרה לו אותה אשה: אני באתי ללחוש רקקה בפניו. א"ל: אמרי לבעליך: הרי רקקתי בפניו של רבי מאיר. א"ל: לכי התרצי לבעליך! ראה כמה גדול הוא כוחו של שלום.
Another explanation: What is the meaning of, "Seek peace and pursue it? Once R. Meir was sitting and expounding etc., that a woman went home, it being Shabbat evening, and found that her Shabbat light had gone out. Her husband asked her: "Where have you been so late? She replied: "I have been listening to R. Meir's discourse. Now that man, being a fool, said to her: You will not enter my house, whatever happens, until you have gone and spat in the face of Rabbi Meir. she left the house. Whereupon Elijah, of blessed memory, appeared to Rabbi Meir and said to him: "It is because of you that the woman has left her house." Elijah, of blessed memory then acquainted R. Meir of the episode. What did R. Meir do? He want and sat down at the great Beit Hamidrash. Now that woman came in to pray, and on seeing her. R Meir pretended to be blinking. He asked": "Who knows how to cure a sore eye by a charm? Whereupon the woman replied: " I have come to cure it by a charm and she spat into his face. Thereupon he said to her: "Tell your husband: "Lo, I have spat into the face of R. Meir" He further said to her: "Go and become reconciled with your husband. See how great is the power of peace.
(10) When thou drawest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim peace unto it.
(יב) דבר אחר: עושה שלום במרומיו אמר ר' לוי: מיכאל כולו שלג וגבריאל כולו אש, ועומדין זה אצל זה ואינם מזיקים זה את זה. אמר בר קפרא: ומה אם העליונים שאין בהם לא קנאה ולא שנאה ולא תחרות הן צריכין שלום, התחתונים שכולן שנאה ותחרות וקנאה, על אחת כמה וכמה שהן צריכין שלום! רבנן אמרי: תדע לך כמה גדול כוחו של שלום, אפילו המלחמה שאין אדם יורד לתוכה אלא בחרבות וברמחים, אמר הקב"ה: כשתהיו הולכים לעשות מלחמה, לא תהיו פותחין תחילה, אלא בשלום. מנין? ממה שקרינו בעניין (דברים כ): כי תקרב אל עיר וגו':
Another explanation: He makes peace in the high places. Michael is made up entirely of snow, and Gabriel of fire, and though they stand near one another yet they do not injure each other. Bar Kappara said: If the heavenly beings who are free from envy and hatred, rivalry and envy, are in need of peace, how much more so are the lower beings who are subject to hatred, rivalry and envy. The rabbis say: The greatness of peace can be gauged from the fact that even when dealing with war upon which one enters with swords and spears, God said: When you go to war begin with proclaiming peace. From where is this? From what we have read in the context. When you approach a city to attack it, proclaim peace unto it.
(5) And the officers shall speak unto the people, saying: ‘What man is there that hath built a new house, and hath not dedicated it? let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man dedicate it. (6) And what man is there that hath planted a vineyard, and hath not used the fruit thereof? let him go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man use the fruit thereof. (7) And what man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her? let him go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man take her.’ (8) And the officers shall speak further unto the people, and they shall say: ‘What man is there that is fearful and faint-hearted? let him go and return unto his house, lest his brethren’s heart melt as his heart.’
The idea of all this seems to be that if we leave something incomplete, we fall into the state of mind the rabbis called trafe da’at—a torn mind— a mind pulled in various directions. A person in such a state of mind would be of little use in an army. He would be unable to focus on the task at hand and might even present a danger to his fellow soldiers. During a brief stint as a prison chaplain, I once spoke to a gang member who described what it was like to go to war with his fellow gang members. He spoke glowingly of the sense of total trust you had to have in the person in front of you and the person behind you. Your very life hung on their doing what they were supposed to do. But if they were in a state of trafe da’at—if there was unfinished business pulling their awareness away from the present moment— they wouldn’t be trustworthy. In fact they would pose a real threat to your survival. We see this very clearly around death. The threefold repetition of the phrase “lest he die” is not insignificant. In my work as a hospice chaplain, I often witnessed the irresistible urge people have to tie up loose ends as death approaches— to leave their checkbook balanced, to make their funeral arrangements, to finally confess to something that has been on their conscience, to make reconciliation with a friend or a loved one . The urge to complete unfinished business, to tie up loose ends, is one of the strongest forces in nature, and God help anyone who stands in its way. In my experience, this is the single most common source of family conflict around death . The person who is dying asks his family to help him balance his checkbook, or purchase a plot in a cemetery, but the members of his family, still alive, healthy, and very much caught up in the full-time occupation of denying death, don’t want to listen . “What are you talking about?” they tell him. “You’re not going to die,” a response that provokes unbearable frustration and alienation in the dying, who desperately need to do these things. When this need is ignored, they feel more than ever that they are facing death alone. But like everything else about death, this urge is only an intensification of what happens throughout life. Death is merely a time when what is usually unconscious and invisible becomes conscious and visible. So while we are conducting spiritual inventory during Elul, we might begin by asking ourselves, What are the loose ends in my life? How is my mind torn? Where are the places my mind keeps wanting to go ? What is the unfinished business in my life? What have I left undone? When we look out at the world through a torn mind, our experience of the world is torn.
Forgive and release any hurts or wrongdoings done
consciously or unconsciously.
Lift up all one's worries and fears. Wash them away.
Let goodness flow over him/her and surround him/her now.
Help him/her as he/she readies for his/her next passage.
May his/her worries be eased.
Let him/her know You will walk alongside, and be present
for us, fior his/her soul is entwined with ours.
As he/she comes close to You, bathe him/her in Your light.
Love him/her and carry him/her.
Shelter him/her under your wings.
Ready a place in Your garden for him/her.
Into Your hand, we trust his/her soul.
Gently, lovingly, tend him/her now.
Adonai blesses you and watches over you.
Adonai's presence shines upon you and sheds grace all around you.
Adonai garbs you in light and bestows peace upon you.
-Rabbi Vicki Hollander

