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SharePart #1: Introduction
- Epidemic of loneliness
58% of Americans feel lonely
65% of Gen Z vs. 50% of Gen X vs. 44% of Elderly
87% of people who have mental health issues report being lonely
- Attack on marriage
- Fundamental misunderstanding of the relationship between men and women
Two types of loneliness:
1. Social loneliness
2. Existential loneliness
- In creating woman God solves these issues. How and what can it teach us about marriage and companionship?
Part #2: The Creation of Woman
(18) God ה' said, “It is not good for the Human to be alone; I will make a fitting counterpart for him.” (19) And God ה' formed out of the earth all the wild beasts and all the birds of the sky, and brought them to the Human to see what he would call them; and whatever the Human called each living creature, that would be its name. (20) And the Human gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and to all the wild beasts; but no fitting counterpart for a human being was found. (21) So God ה' cast a deep sleep upon the Human; and, while he slept, [God] took one of his sides and closed up the flesh at that site. (22) And God ה' fashioned the side that had been taken from the Human into a woman, bringing her to the Human. (23) Then the Human said, “This one at last Is bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh. This one shall be called Woman, For from a Human was she taken.” (24) Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh. (25) The two of them were naked, the Human and his wife, yet they felt no shame.
Questions:
1. Why is man's companion known as an "עזר כנגדו"? Isn't this an oximoron?
2. Why does the Torah interrupt the narrative of woman's creation with Adam naming the animals?
3. Why is woman created from man instead of creating her as an independant entity?
4. Why does man need to leave his parents to cleave to his spouse?
5. Why does the female creation narrative end with man and woman being naked but unashamed?
Part #3: The Role of Woman & Spousal Relationships
A. Not just to bear children - difference between the animal world and human world
- Adam names all the animals - discovers their essence (cohabits with them). REALIZES THE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE FOR HIM THAN THE REST OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
ולאדם לא מצא עזר… ויפל ה' אלקים תרדמה — When He brought them, He brought them before him male and female of each and every kind. Thereupon he said: all these have a mate, but I have no mate! Immediately He caused to fall [an overpowering sleep upon him] (Genesis Rabbah 17:4).
And Rabbi Elazar said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23)? This teaches that Adam had intercourse with each animal and beast in his search for his mate, and his mind was not at ease until he had intercourse with Eve.
B. Companionship between men and women is to create an intimate bond of values and priorities.
- A true spouse is the one who can criticize his/her companion with the goal of refining them and elebating them. No judgement. THAT IS THE MEANING OF "כנגדו".
עזר כנגדו : If he is worthy she shall be a help to him; if he is unworthy she shall be opposed to him, to fight him (Yevamot 63a).
Ultimately, Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish, Reish Lakish, died. Rabbi Yoḥanan was sorely pained over losing him. The Rabbis said: Who will go to calm Rabbi Yoḥanan’s mind? They said: Let Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat go, as his statements are sharp. Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat went and sat before Rabbi Yoḥanan. With regard to every matter that Rabbi Yoḥanan would say, Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat would say to him: There is a ruling which is taught in a baraita that supports your opinion. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Are you comparable to the son of Lakish? In my discussions with the son of Lakish, when I would state a matter, he would raise twenty-four difficulties against me in an attempt to disprove my claim, and I would answer him with twenty-four answers, and the halakha by itself would become broadened and clarified. And yet you say to me: There is a ruling which is taught in a baraita that supports your opinion. Do I not know that what I say is good?
C. When spouses develop the deep connection and balance of assisting in their human growth, they can connect on an intimate level to become one flesh.
- Intimacy for humans is different qualitatively than any other species on the planet. Hazal say this is why we face each other during intimacy.
- Unlike other species who have period of heat or mating seasons, humans engage in intimacy consistenly because it is based on an emotional attachment.
(9) Two are better off than one, in that they have greater benefit from their earnings. (10) For should they fall, one can raise the other; but woe betide him who is alone and falls with no companion to raise him! (11) Further, when two lie together they are warm; but how can he who is alone get warm? (12) Also, if one attacks, two can stand up to him. A threefold cord is not readily broken!
Part #4: Conclusion
- The key to avoiding loneliness is finding a relationship with someone who shares your values but doesn't just tell you what you want to hear.
- When genuine care is fostered an intimate relationship can solidify those bonds in a truthful way, where both seek to gratify the other.
- When their is mutual respect, shared values, and a true sense of intimacy, existential loneliness can be overcome by raising healthy children to continue one's legacy.