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Share(5) They who sow in tears
shall reap in joy.
(מ) וּלְקַחְתֶּ֨ם לָכֶ֜ם בַּיּ֣וֹם הָרִאשׁ֗וֹן פְּרִ֨י עֵ֤ץ הָדָר֙ כַּפֹּ֣ת תְּמָרִ֔ים וַעֲנַ֥ף עֵץ־עָבֹ֖ת וְעַרְבֵי־נָ֑חַל וּשְׂמַחְתֶּ֗ם לִפְנֵ֛י ה' אֱלֹקֵיכֶ֖ם שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים׃ (מא) וְחַגֹּתֶ֤ם אֹתוֹ֙ חַ֣ג לַֽה' שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִ֖ים בַּשָּׁנָ֑ה חֻקַּ֤ת עוֹלָם֙ לְדֹרֹ֣תֵיכֶ֔ם בַּחֹ֥דֶשׁ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֖י תָּחֹ֥גּוּ אֹתֽוֹ׃ (מב) בַּסֻּכֹּ֥ת תֵּשְׁב֖וּ שִׁבְעַ֣ת יָמִ֑ים כׇּל־הָֽאֶזְרָח֙ בְּיִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל יֵשְׁב֖וּ בַּסֻּכֹּֽת׃ (מג) לְמַ֘עַן֮ יֵדְע֣וּ דֹרֹֽתֵיכֶם֒ כִּ֣י בַסֻּכּ֗וֹת הוֹשַׁ֙בְתִּי֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל בְּהוֹצִיאִ֥י אוֹתָ֖ם מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרָ֑יִם אֲנִ֖י ה' אֱלֹקֵיכֶֽם׃
The Pursuit of Joy, Ki Tavo 5775
https://www.rabbisacks.org/covenant-conversation/ki-tavo/the-pursuit-of-joy/
Paradoxically, the biblical book most focused on joy is precisely the one often thought of as the unhappiest of all, Kohelet, Ecclesiastes. Kohelet is notoriously the man who had everything, yet describes it all as hevel, a word he uses almost forty times in the space of the book, and variously translated as “meaningless,” “pointless,” “futile,” “empty,” or as the King James Bible famously rendered it, “vanity.” In fact, though, Kohelet uses the word simcha seventeen times, that is, more than the whole of the Mosaic books together. After every one of his meditations on the pointlessness of life, Kohelet ends with an exhortation to joy
I know that there is nothing better for people than to rejoice and do good while they live.
(כב) וְרָאִ֗יתִי כִּ֣י אֵ֥ין טוֹב֙ מֵאֲשֶׁ֨ר יִשְׂמַ֤ח הָאָדָם֙ בְּֽמַעֲשָׂ֔יו כִּי־ה֖וּא חֶלְק֑וֹ
I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to rejoice in his work, because that is their lot.
(טו) וְשִׁבַּ֤חְתִּֽי אֲנִי֙ אֶת־הַשִּׂמְחָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֨ר אֵֽין־ט֤וֹב לָֽאָדָם֙ תַּ֣חַת הַשֶּׁ֔מֶשׁ כִּ֛י אִם־לֶאֱכֹ֥ל וְלִשְׁתּ֖וֹת וְלִשְׂמ֑וֹחַ
I praised enjoyment. There is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and rejoice.
(ח) כִּ֣י אִם־שָׁנִ֥ים הַרְבֵּ֛ה יִחְיֶ֥ה הָאָדָ֖ם בְּכֻלָּ֣ם יִשְׂמָ֑ח
However many years anyone may live, let them rejoice in them all.
Emor: Simchah, On the Road from Grief to Joy
Our mindfulness and middot approach does not mean eschewing sadness or anxiety in order to practice simchah. To the contrary, it involves embracing with compassion these challenging emotions, thought patterns and narratives, thereby transforming the energy within them so as to yield the spiritual state of simchah. Experiencing and cultivating a sense of deep relation to others and to ourselves helps relieve our constrictions and allow the chiyut/life force within them to shift and flow in its proper, more wholesome and holy direction.
We can assist in this process not by trying to compel ourselves to be "happy," but by understanding our grief, sadness, and pain as portals to profound connection - what Rabbi Jay Michelson aptly describes as "unhappy happiness," the simchah/joy born of a sense of spiritual connection. We don't have to feel "happy" to experience "joy." Anyone who has suffered profound loss, and at the same time in the midst of sadness and grief has experienced deep connection and peace, understands this phenomenon well.
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן כְּשֶׁחָרַב הַבַּיִת בַּשְּׁנִיָּה רַבּוּ פְּרוּשִׁין בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱכוֹל בָּשָׂר וְשֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁתּוֹת יַיִן נִטְפַּל לָהֶן רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אָמַר לָהֶן בָּנַי מִפְּנֵי מָה אִי אַתֶּם אוֹכְלִין בָּשָׂר וְאֵין אַתֶּם שׁוֹתִין יַיִן אָמְרוּ לוֹ נֹאכַל בָּשָׂר שֶׁמִּמֶּנּוּ מַקְרִיבִין עַל גַּבֵּי מִזְבֵּחַ וְעַכְשָׁיו בָּטֵל נִשְׁתֶּה יַיִן שֶׁמְּנַסְּכִין עַל גַּבֵּי הַמִּזְבֵּחַ וְעַכְשָׁיו בָּטֵל
אָמַר לָהֶם אִם כֵּן לֶחֶם לֹא נֹאכַל שֶׁכְּבָר בָּטְלוּ מְנָחוֹת אֶפְשָׁר בְּפֵירוֹת פֵּירוֹת לֹא נֹאכַל שֶׁכְּבָר בָּטְלוּ בִּכּוּרִים אֶפְשָׁר בְּפֵירוֹת אֲחֵרִים מַיִם לֹא נִשְׁתֶּה שֶׁכְּבָר בָּטֵל נִיסּוּךְ הַמַּיִם שָׁתְקוּ
אָמַר לָהֶן בָּנַי בּוֹאוּ וְאוֹמַר לָכֶם שֶׁלֹּא לְהִתְאַבֵּל כׇּל עִיקָּר אִי אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁכְּבָר נִגְזְרָה גְּזֵרָה וּלְהִתְאַבֵּל יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי אִי אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁאֵין גּוֹזְרִין גְּזֵירָה עַל הַצִּבּוּר אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן רוֹב צִבּוּר יְכוֹלִין לַעֲמוֹד בָּהּ דִּכְתִיב בַּמְּאֵרָה אַתֶּם נֵאָרִים וְאֹתִי אַתֶּם קֹבְעִים הַגּוֹי כֻּלּוֹ
אֶלָּא כָּךְ אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים סָד אָדָם אֶת בֵּיתוֹ בְּסִיד וּמְשַׁיֵּיר בּוֹ דָּבָר מוּעָט וְכַמָּה אָמַר רַב יוֹסֵף אַמָּה עַל אַמָּה אָמַר רַב חִסְדָּא כְּנֶגֶד הַפֶּתַח
עוֹשֶׂה אָדָם כׇּל צׇרְכֵי סְעוּדָה וּמְשַׁיֵּיר דָּבָר מוּעָט מַאי הִיא אָמַר רַב פָּפָּא כָּסָא דְהַרְסָנָא
עוֹשָׂה אִשָּׁה כׇּל תַּכְשִׁיטֶיהָ וּמְשַׁיֶּירֶת דָּבָר מוּעָט מַאי הִיא אָמַר רַב בַּת צִדְעָא שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר אִם אֶשְׁכָּחֵךְ יְרוּשָׁלִָם תִּשְׁכַּח יְמִינִי תִּדְבַּק לְשׁוֹנִי לְחִכִּי וְגוֹ׳
When the Temple was destroyed a second time, there was an increase in the number of ascetics among the Jews, whose practice was to not eat meat and to not drink wine. Rabbi Yehoshua joined them to discuss their practice. He said to them: My children, for what reason do you not eat meat and do you not drink wine? They said to him: Shall we eat meat, from which offerings are sacrificed upon the altar, and now the altar has ceased to exist? Shall we drink wine, which is poured as a libation upon the altar, and now the altar has ceased to exist?
Rabbi Yehoshua said to them: If so, we will not eat bread either, since the meal-offerings that were offered upon the altar have ceased. They replied: You are correct. It is possible to subsist with produce. He said to them: We will not eat produce either, since the bringing of the first fruits have ceased. They replied: You are correct. We will no longer eat the produce of the seven species from which the first fruits were brought, as it is possible to subsist with other produce. He said to them: If so, we will not drink water, since the water libation has ceased. They were silent, as they realized that they could not survive without water.
Rabbi Yehoshua said to them: My children, come, and I will tell you how we should act. To not mourn at all is impossible, as the decree was already issued and the Temple has been destroyed. But to mourn excessively as you are doing is also impossible...
Rabbi Yehoshua continues: Rather, this is what the Sages said: A person may plaster her house with plaster, but she must leave over a small amount in it without plaster to remember the destruction of the Temple.
Rabbi Yehoshua continues: The Sages said that a person may prepare all that he needs for a meal, but he must leave out a small item to remember the destruction of the Temple...
Rabbi Yehoshua continues: The Sages said that a woman may engage in all of her adornments, but she must leave out a small matter to remember the destruction of the Temple.