בְּאֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם
מקורות בנושא ״ארך אפיים״ כמידת הקב״ה וכמידת אדם וכאחד הדברים שבהם התורה נקנית Sources on slowness to anger, forgiveness and patience

גְּדוֹלָה תוֹרָה יוֹתֵר מִן הַכְּהֻנָּה וּמִן הַמַּלְכוּת, שֶׁהַמַּלְכוּת נִקְנֵית בִּשְׁלֹשִׁים מַעֲלוֹת, וְהַכְּהֻנָּה בְּעֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבַּע, וְהַתּוֹרָה נִקְנֵית בְּאַרְבָּעִים וּשְׁמֹנָה דְבָרִים. וְאֵלוּ הֵן, בְּתַלְמוּד, בִּשְׁמִיעַת הָאֹזֶן, בַּעֲרִיכַת שְׂפָתַיִם, בְּבִינַת הַלֵּב, בְּשִׂכְלוּת הַלֵּב, בְּאֵימָה, בְּיִרְאָה, בַּעֲנָוָה, בְּשִׂמְחָה, בְּטָהֳרָה, בְּשִׁמּוּשׁ חֲכָמִים, בְּדִקְדּוּק חֲבֵרִים, וּבְפִלְפּוּל הַתַּלְמִידִים, בְּיִשּׁוּב, בַּמִּקְרָא, בַּמִּשְׁנָה, בְּמִעוּט סְחוֹרָה, בְּמִעוּט דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ, בְּמִעוּט תַּעֲנוּג, בְּמִעוּט שֵׁינָה, בְּמִעוּט שִׂיחָה, בְּמִעוּט שְׂחוֹק, בְּאֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם, בְּלֵב טוֹב, בֶּאֱמוּנַת חֲכָמִים, וּבְקַבָּלַת הַיִּסּוּרִין, הַמַּכִּיר אֶת מְקוֹמוֹ, וְהַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ, וְהָעוֹשֶׂה סְיָג לִדְבָרָיו, וְאֵינוֹ מַחֲזִיק טוֹבָה לְעַצְמוֹ, אָהוּב, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַמָּקוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַצְּדָקוֹת, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַמֵּישָׁרִים, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַתּוֹכָחוֹת, מִתְרַחֵק מִן הַכָּבוֹד, וְלֹא מֵגִיס לִבּוֹ בְתַלְמוּדוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ שָׂמֵחַ בְּהוֹרָאָה, נוֹשֵׂא בְעֹל עִם חֲבֵרוֹ, מַכְרִיעוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת, מַעֲמִידוֹ עַל הָאֱמֶת, וּמַעֲמִידוֹ עַל הַשָּׁלוֹם, מִתְיַשֵּׁב לִבּוֹ בְתַלְמוּדוֹ, שׁוֹאֵל וּמֵשִׁיב, שׁוֹמֵעַ וּמוֹסִיף, הַלּוֹמֵד עַל מְנָת לְלַמֵּד וְהַלּוֹמֵד עַל מְנָת לַעֲשׂוֹת, הַמַּחְכִּים אֶת רַבּוֹ, וְהַמְכַוֵּן אֶת שְׁמוּעָתוֹ, וְהָאוֹמֵר דָּבָר בְּשֵׁם אוֹמְרוֹ, הָא לָמַדְתָּ שֶׁכָּל הָאוֹמֵר דָּבָר בְּשֵׁם אוֹמְרוֹ מֵבִיא גְאֻלָּה לָעוֹלָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (אסתר ב) וַתֹּאמֶר אֶסְתֵּר לַמֶּלֶךְ בְּשֵׁם מָרְדֳּכָי:

Greater is learning Torah than the priesthood and than royalty, for royalty is acquired by thirty stages, and the priesthood by twenty-four, but the Torah by forty-eight things. By study, Attentive listening, Proper speech, By an understanding heart, By an intelligent heart, By awe, By fear, By humility, By joy, By attending to the sages, By critical give and take with friends, By fine argumentation with disciples, By clear thinking, By study of Scripture, By study of mishnah, By a minimum of sleep, By a minimum of chatter, By a minimum of pleasure, By a minimum of frivolity, By a minimum of preoccupation with worldly matters, By long-suffering, By generosity, By faith in the sages, By acceptance of suffering. [Learning of Torah is also acquired by one] Who recognizes his place, Who rejoices in his portion, Who makes a fence about his words, Who takes no credit for himself, Who is loved, Who loves God, Who loves [his fellow] creatures, Who loves righteous ways, Who loves reproof, Who loves uprightness, Who keeps himself far from honors, Who does not let his heart become swelled on account of his learning, Who does not delight in giving legal decisions, Who shares in the bearing of a burden with his colleague, Who judges with the scales weighted in his favor, Who leads him on to truth, Who leads him on to peace, Who composes himself at his study, Who asks and answers, Who listens [to others], and [himself] adds [to his knowledge], Who learns in order to teach, Who learns in order to practice, Who makes his teacher wiser, Who is exact in what he has learned, And who says a thing in the name of him who said it. Thus you have learned: everyone who says a thing in the name of him who said it, brings deliverance into the world, as it is said: “And Esther told the king in Mordecai’s name” (Esther 2:22).
תניא אמר ר' אלעזר ברבי יוסי פעם אחת נכנסתי לאלכסנדריא של מצרים מצאתי זקן אחד ואמר לי בא ואראך מה עשו אבותי לאבותיך מהם טבעו בים מהם הרגו בחרב מהם מעכו בבנין ועל דבר זה נענש משה רבינו שנא' (שמות ה, כג) ומאז באתי אל פרעה לדבר בשמך הרע לעם הזה אמר לו הקב"ה חבל על דאבדין ולא משתכחין הרי כמה פעמים נגליתי על אברהם יצחק ויעקב באל שדי ולא הרהרו על מדותי ולא אמרו לי מה שמך אמרתי לאברהם (בראשית יג, יז) קום התהלך בארץ לארכה ולרחבה כי לך אתננה בקש מקום לקבור את שרה ולא מצא עד שקנה בד' מאות שקל כסף ולא הרהר על מדותי אמרתי ליצחק (בראשית כו, ג) גור בארץ הזאת ואהיה עמך ואברכך בקשו עבדיו מים לשתות ולא מצאו עד שעשו מריבה שנאמר (בראשית כו, כ) ויריבו רועי גרר עם רועי יצחק לאמר לנו המים ולא הרהר אחר מדותי אמרתי ליעקב (בראשית כח, יג) הארץ אשר אתה שוכב עליה לך אתננה ביקש מקום לנטוע אהלו ולא מצא עד שקנה במאה קשיטה ולא הרהר אחר מדותי ולא אמרו לי מה שמך ואתה אמרת לי מה שמך בתחלה ועכשיו אתה אומר לי (שמות ה, כג) והצל לא הצלת את עמך (שמות ו, א) עתה תראה (את) אשר אעשה לפרעה במלחמת פרעה אתה רואה ואי אתה רואה במלחמת שלשים ואחד מלכים (שמות לד, ח) וימהר משה ויקוד ארצה וישתחו מה ראה משה ר' חנינא בן גמלא אמר ארך אפים ראה ורבנן אמרי אמת ראה: תניא כמ"ד ארך אפים ראה דתניא כשעלה משה למרום מצאו להקב"ה שיושב וכותב ארך אפים אמר לפניו רבונו של עולם ארך אפים לצדיקים אמר לו אף לרשעים א"ל רשעים יאבדו א"ל השתא חזית מאי דמבעי לך כשחטאו ישראל אמר לו לא כך אמרת לי ארך אפים לצדיקים אמר לפניו רבש"ע ולא כך אמרת לי אף לרשעים והיינו דכתיב (במדבר יד, יז) ועתה יגדל נא כח ה' כאשר דברת לאמר ר' חגא הוה סליק ואזיל בדרגא דבי רבה בר שילא שמעיה לההוא ינוקא דאמר (תהלים צג, ה) עדותיך נאמנו מאד לביתך נאוה קדש ה' לאורך ימים וסמיך ליה (תהלים צ, א) תפלה למשה וגו' אמר ש"מ ארך אפים ראה
§ It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Yosei, says: One time I entered Alexandria of Egypt. I found one old man and he said to me: Come and I will show you what my ancestors, the Egyptians, did to your ancestors, the Jewish people. Some of them they drowned in the sea, some of them they killed with the sword, and some of them they crushed in the buildings. And it is over this matter, Moses’ protest of the afflictions suffered by the Jewish people, that Moses, our teacher, was punished, as it is stated: “For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has done evil to this people, neither have You delivered Your people at all” (Exodus 5:23). The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to Moses: Woe over those who are gone and are no longer found; as several times I revealed Myself to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as God Almighty [El Shaddai] and they did not question My attributes, and did not say to Me: What is Your name? I said to Abraham: “Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for unto you I will give it” (Genesis 13:17). Ultimately, he sought a place to bury Sarah and did not find one until he purchased it for four hundred silver shekels, and he did not question My attributes and did not protest that I failed to fulfill My promise to give him the land. I said to Isaac: “Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you” (Genesis 26:3). His servants sought water to drink and they did not find it until they started a quarrel, as it is stated: “And the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen saying: The water is ours” (Genesis 26:20), and he did not question My attributes. I said to Jacob: “The land upon which you lie, to you I will give it” (Genesis 28:13). He sought a place to pitch his tent and he did not find one until he purchased it for one hundred coins, and he did not question My attributes, and did not say to Me: What is Your name? And you, Moses, ask Me: What is Your name, initially, after witnessing My greatness more than they ever did. And now you say to Me: “Neither have You delivered Your people” (Exodus 5:23). The verse then states: “Now shall you see what I will do to Pharaoh” (Exodus 6:1). One can infer: The war with Pharaoh and his downfall you shall see, but you will not see the war with the thirty-one kings in Eretz Yisrael, as you will not be privileged to conquer Eretz Yisrael for the Jewish people. § With regard to the verse: “And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed: The Lord, the Lord, compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in loving-kindness and truth, extending loving-kindness to thousands of generations…and Moses made haste and bowed his head toward the earth and prostrated himself” (Exodus 34:6–8), the Gemara asks: What did Moses see in these attributes that caused him to hastily prostrate himself? Rabbi Ḥanina ben Gamla says: He saw the attribute of slow to anger; and the Rabbis say: He saw the attribute of truth. It is taught in a baraita in accordance with the opinion of the one who said: He saw the attribute of slow to anger, as it is taught in a baraita: When Moses ascended on high, he discovered the Holy One, Blessed be He, sitting and writing: Slow to anger. Moses said before Him: Master of the Universe, is Your attribute of slow to anger only to be used for the righteous? God said to him: It is an attribute even for the wicked. Moses said to Him: Let the wicked be doomed. God said to him: Now, you will see that you will need this, as ultimately you will reconsider that statement. When the Jewish people sinned in the sin of the spies and Moses asked God to forgive them, the Holy One, Blessed be He, said to Moses: Didn’t you say to Me that the attribute of slow to anger is for the righteous alone? They are not worthy of atonement. Moses said before Him: Master of the Universe, and isn’t this what You said to me: It is an attribute even for the wicked? And that is the meaning of that which is written: “And now, I pray You, let the power of my Lord be great, as You have spoken, saying” (Numbers 14:17). Moses was repeating God’s promise with regard to His employment of the attribute of slow to anger. The Gemara relates: Rabbi Ḥagga was walking up the stairs in the school of Rabba bar Sheila. He heard a certain child who said: “Your testimonies are very sure; sanctity becomes Your house, Lord, for the length of days” (Psalms 93:5). The phrase “length of days” is a reference to the attribute of slow to anger. And juxtaposed to it is the phrase: “A prayer of Moses” (Psalms 90:1), indicating that this chapter was also stated by Moses our teacher. Upon hearing those verses, Rabbi Ḥagga said: Conclude from it that it was the attribute of slow to anger that Moses saw.
R' Shefa Gold, Surrendering the Small Self: Kach-Na
Kach-na et-nafshi mimeni
קַח־נָ֥א אֶת־נַפְשִׁ֖י מִמֶּ֑נִּי
Take my soul (nefesh) from me. (Jonah 4:3)
On the afternoon of Yom Kippur, we read the story of Jonah, the reluctant prophet who ran from his calling because he didn’t want the people of Nineva to repent and be forgiven. When, after a tumultuous storm and a forced retreat inside the belly of a whale, he finally prophesied to the people of Nineva; they did indeed repent and God forgave them. Jonah was quite unhappy about all this and his suffering that was caused by attachment to small mind/small self, was unbearable. Jonah says “take my soul from me because I would rather die than live.”
The word for “soul” that he uses is “nefesh,” which, in our tradition refers to the lowest level of soul, the part of us that is completely attached to our separate identity, and immersed in the dualism of materiality.
This is a powerful and potentially dangerous practice of surrender of the small self. When we say to God, “Take my soul from me,” we want to be very clear just what we are surrendering. Before you begin chanting, identify your pettiness, the small-minded habits, the old un-conscious reactive and repetitive patterns that you are ready to release. Lay them on the altar of the chant. Offer up the small self. Open to the Big Self.
(Don’t chant this while driving or using heavy machinery or spacing out. It is powerful!)