Chametz and Ego for Meditation
Ego BY DENISE DUHAMEL
I just didn’t get it—
even with the teacher holding an orange (the earth) in one hand
and a lemon (the moon) in the other,
her favorite student (the sun) standing behind her with a flashlight.
I just couldn’t grasp it—
this whole citrus universe, these bumpy planets revolving so slowly
no one could even see themselves moving.
I used to think if I could only concentrate hard enough
I could be the one person to feel what no one else could,
sense a small tug from the ground, a sky shift, the earth changing gears.
Even though I was only one mini-speck on a speck,
even though I was merely a pinprick in one goosebump on the orange,
I was sure then I was the most specially perceptive, perceptively sensitive.
I was sure then my mother was the only mother to snap,
“The world doesn’t revolve around you!”
The earth was fragile and mostly water,
just the way the orange was mostly water if you peeled it,
just the way I was mostly water if you peeled me.
Looking back on that third grade science demonstration,
I can understand why some people gave up on fame or religion or cures—
especially people who have an understanding
of the excruciating crawl of the world,
who have a well-developed sense of spatial reasoning
and the tininess that it is to be one of us.
But not me—even now I wouldn’t mind being god, the force
who spins the planets the way I spin a globe, a basketball, a yoyo.
I wouldn’t mind being that teacher who chooses the fruit,
or that favorite kid who gives the moon its glow.

אִיכָּא דְאָמְרִי: אָמַר רַבִּי יִצְחָק, אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן, אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בְּרַבִּי חֲנִינָא מִשּׁוּם רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר בֶּן יַעֲקֹב: כָּל הָאוֹכֵל וְשׁוֹתֶה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מִתְפַּלֵּל עָלָיו הַכָּתוּב אוֹמֵר: ״וְאֹתִי הִשְׁלַכְתָּ אַחֲרֵי גַוֶּךָ״, אַל תִּקְרֵי ״גַּוֶּיךָ״ אֶלָּא ״גֵּאֶיךָ״. אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא: לְאַחַר שֶׁנִּתְגָּאָה זֶה קִבֵּל עָלָיו מַלְכוּת שָׁמַיִם.

Others say that Rabbi Yitzḥak said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said that Rabbi Yosei, son of Rabbi Ḥanina, said in the name of Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov: One who eats and drinks and later prays, about him the verse states the rebuke of the prophet in the name of God: “And Me you have cast behind your back” (I Kings 14:9).One who sees to his own bodily needs by eating and drinking before prayer casts God aside, according his arrogance and ego priority over God (Maharsha). Indeed, do not read your back [gavekha]; rather, your pride [ge’ekha]. The Holy One, Blessed be He, said: After this one has become arrogant and engaged in satisfying his own needs, he only then accepted upon himself the kingdom of Heaven.

(א) ואמר וזאת תורת זבח השלמים. והודיע שאף על פי שכל השלמים קדשים קלים, מכל מקום יש חלוק ביניהם שאם הם על אודות הודאה, יהיה עמהם לתת בתוכו מין חמץ. כי אמנם סבת הסכנה אשר עליה ההודאה הוא שאור שבעיסה, מכל מקום מיני המצות רבות עליו, וברבות הלחם יתפרסם הנס לאוכלים רבים, וכלם נאכלים בזמן קדשי קדשים שהם ליום ולילה.

(1) וזאת תורת זבח השלמים, here we are told that although the common denominator between these offerings is that they share the heading sh’lamim inasmuch as these offerings are categorized in the Talmud as קדשים קלים, ”holy things of a minor degree of sanctity,” there are differences, nuances between one type of such קדשים קלים and other types. For instance, if they involve thanksgiving the animals offerings are accompanied by breads, some of which are leavened. Granted that the underlying reason for the need to offer thanks is what our sages call the שאור שבעיסה, “the element of ego in the ‘dough,’” the aspiring human personality, by consisting predominantly of unleavened loaves this element becomes subordinate. [it must be remembered that basically, no other offering consisting of baked goods is allowed to be leavened. The author feels that if a person finds himself in an unexpectedly dangerous situation requiring a miracle to save him, this indicates that had his conduct been beyond reproach he would not first have become exposed to that danger. On a national rather than an individual level, the Purim story is an illustration of what the author means. Ed.] One of the reasons the Torah requires so many individual loaves of bread as part of the Todah sacrifice, is to enable as many people as possible to become aware of someone having been miraculously saved. The period during which these breads can be eaten is the same as the period holy things of the higher order may be eaten, i.e. only one day and one night, not like ordinary sh’lamim which may be eaten two days and one night.

(א) ויגש אליו יהודה ויאמר בי אדוני ידבר נא עבדך דבר באזני אדוני ואל יחר אפך בעבדך כי כמוך כפרעה (בראשית מד, יח). והנראה, דהנה אמרו חכמינו ז"ל (מועד קטן טז:) צדיק מושל ביראת אלהים (שמואל ב' כג, ג), מי מושל בי צדיק, כשהקדוש ברוך הוא גוזר גזירה צדיקים מבטלים ונתן השם יתברך כח וגבורה לצדיקים שיוכלו לבטל בתפילתם כל גזירות רעות ונקראים כביכול מושל בי צדיק. וזה נראה פירוש הפסוק דאיתא בזוהר הקדוש, כי הנה המלכים נועדו עברו יחדיו (תהלים מח, ה) זה יהודה ויוסף יוסף נקרא הקדוש ברוך הוא ויהודה נקרא כנסת ישראל. וזה פירוש הפסוק ויגש אליו יהודה, שהכנסת ישראל נגשים להקדוש ברוך הוא. ויאמר בי אדוני, כביכול בי האדנות והממשלה דמי מושל בי צדיקים בתפילתם מבטלים כל גזירות קשות וממשיכים לישראל שפע טוב וברכות. וזהו ידבר נא עבדך דבר באזני אדוני ואל יחר אפך בעבדך, שהצדיקים בתפילתם להבורא ברוך הוא מהפכים ממדת הדין למדת הרחמים ושלא יהא חס ושלום שום חרון אף, אפס מי הם הצדיקים שתפילתם עושה פרי אותם הדבקים תמיד בשמו הגדול והם בבחינת אין ויראים ומזדעזעים תמיד מפחד השם ומהדר גאונו ויש להם כח לפעול בתפילתם ויראתם מושל בי צדיק ואיתא בגמרא כי בכל חכמי הגוים ובכל מלכותם מאין כמוך. אבל בישראל יש כמוך מה הקדוש ברוך הוא מחיה מתים גם צדיקים מחיים מתים מה הקדוש ברוך הוא מוריד גשמים גם צדיקים מורידים גשמים. ואיתא בכתבי האר"י ז"ל שבחינת אין נקרא כ' ובחינת יראה נקרא יו"ד. וזהו כ"י הצדיקים הם בבחינת כ"י, היינו בבחינת אי"ן ובחינת יראה הם כביכול כמוך מה הקדוש ברוך הוא מחיה מתים גם צדיקים מחיים מתים מה הקדוש ברוך הוא מוריד גשמים גם צדיקים מורידים גשמים וזהו כפרעה, דפרעה הוא לשון התגלות והכ"ף הוא בחינת אין והצדיקים ממשיכים מבחינת אין להתגלות וזהו כפרעה, שמהכ"ף שהוא בחינת אין ממשיכים לפרעה להתגלות והיכולת ביד הצדיקים להמשיך מבחינת אין לידי התגלות כל הטובות וכל הברכות וישועות ונחמות:

(1) Genesis 44,18. “Yehudah came forward and said: ‘please ‎my lord allow your servant to say something for your ears ‎only, and do not become angry at your servant, for you are ‎similar to Pharaoh himself.” When reading this ‎introduction of Yehudah’s plea we are reminded of a statement in ‎the Talmud Moed katan 16, when quoting Samuel II 23,3. ‎‎[The following is misquoted in the Hebrew versions of ‎several editions, and no Biblical source is given. Ed.]
David is speaking in his final address; ‎אמר אלוהי ישראל לי דבר ‏צור ישראל מושל באדם צדיק מושל יראת אלוקים‎. “Israel’s G’d said: ‎‎‘concerning Me, Israel’s Rock: “be ruler over mankind; be ‎righteous, be a ruler practicing the fear of the Lord.” The Talmud ‎understands the unspoken rhetorical question of G’d as to who ‎‎“rules” Him, by answering that the righteous does so when he is ‎able to squash decrees issued by G’d. [As the author has ‎mentioned several times already. Ed.]
This also appears to be the meaning of the verse (psalms 48,5) ‎כי הנה המלכים נועדו‎, “see the kings joined forces,” (strove against ‎one another) quoted by the Zohar I, 206. The “kings” in our ‎verse are understood as being Joseph and Yehudah respectively; ‎Joseph is called there ‎קדוש ברוך‎, whereas Yehudah is called ‎כנסת ‏ישראל‎, “the collective soul of the Jewish people.” In our verse the ‎Torah describes the confrontation on a spiritual level of the ‎collective soul of the Jewish people and the individual ruler ‎represented by Joseph. The collective soul of the Jewish people, ‎Yehudah, confronts G’d represented by Joseph. This collective ‎soul of the Jewish people seeks to overturn an evil decree issued ‎by G’d by prayer (concerning the detention of Binyamin in Egypt ‎as a slave). When the tzaddikim, i.e. people normally ‎content to live by the stringent standards of the attribute of ‎Justice, resort to an appeal to the attribute of Mercy, they do so ‎when they plead on behalf of others. Hence Yehudah prefaces ‎his words with the word ‎בי‎, an appeal not to justice but to do ‎something beyond justice. These tzaddikim are at pains not ‎to create the impression that they have lowered their standards ‎concerning their own conduct. The category of tzaddikim ‎to whom such power of squashing G’d’s decrees is attributed are ‎the ones who relate to G’d from the vantage point of ‎אין‎, ‎‎“naught” [explained by the author as a negation of “self,” ‎one’s own dignity, opposite Hashem.] This total ‎negation of self is rewarded by G’d when they intercede on behalf ‎of others in an effort to squash or soften a negative decree.‎‎
The sages, (introduction to the Zohar 10,) when ‎commenting on Jeremiah 10,7 ‎כי בכל חכמי הגוים ובכל מלכותם מאין ‏כמוך‎, “for amongst all the wise men of the gentile nations and ‎amongst all their kings there is none comparable to You,” the ‎implication is that “but amongst the Israelites” there is someone ‎comparable to You. When the prophet Elijah as well as the ‎prophet Elisha revived the dead, this was considered as proof that ‎the ‎חכמי ישראל‎, the wise men of Israel, can perform acts that only ‎G’d can perform. When the just succeed in squashing decrees of ‎G’d that were meant to kill the victims, they too compare to G’d ‎by that same criterion, i.e. they revive those that were “dead,” ‎were it not for the prayers of the righteous. G’d is perceived of ‎granting life or denying life just as He provides rainfall, without ‎which we would not survive for long; the righteous’ prayers for ‎rain when granted achieve exactly the same result.‎
According to the writings of the Ari’z’al the “attribute” ‎אין‎ is described in the Hebrew alphabet in the Holy Scriptures as ‎the letter ‎כ‎, whereas the “attribute” ‎יראה‎, “awe and reverence” is ‎represented by the letter ‎י‎. The word ‎כי‎ in the verse from ‎Jeremiah quoted in the previous paragraph therefore alludes to ‎this quality of ‎אין‎, total negation of self, that characterizes some ‎of our tzaddikim in their relationship to G’d, and in their ‎service of Him, when they completely deny their ego, or “self.” ‎This very denial of self, obliteration of one’s ego, is capable of ‎resulting in a commensurate degree of ‎התגלות ה'‏‎, “revelation” of ‎aspects of G’d’s essence. When Yehudah described Joseph as ‎כ-‏פרעה‎, where the ‎כ‎ symbolizes this negation of self found in the ‎most exalted ruler, (who does no longer need to impress his peers ‎with his “superiority,”) who can therefore reveal a different ‎virtue, the revelation of an attribute superior to that of Justice, ‎the attribute of Mercy. ‎

The Bread of the Humble: לחם עוני - שעונין עליו דברים הרבה. Shmuel said : Lechem oni – Bread through which we are humbled exceedingly. (Page 43a – b) The purpose of matzah is to bring us to a state of submission and self-abnegation, and to learn that everything comes from God (and not through our own abilities). This is a lesson we learn from the sages : “A person says: I have learned wisdom and Torah, what need have I in performing mitzvot?” The Holy One responds: ‘Acquiring knowledge of Torah and wisdom are a simple matter. Acting in a God fearing manner is another matter! One who fears me and then performs acts of Torah, wisdom and Torah will be in his heart as it is written in Psalm 111:10: “The beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord; they have understanding who perform all of his commandments…” Through humility and self-abnegation one comes to a state of fear of the Lord. All wisdom is already present in his heart but it is only through this state of submission of one’s ego that one becomes worthy of learning Torah freely. Through matzah we derive fear of God from above and through fear and awe that we merit the learning of Torah and many other blessings. (Yismach Yisrael on Pesach Haggadah, Magid, Ha Lachma Anya 3)

(מב) או יבואר, מי כמוכה באלים יהוה כו' נורא תהלות עושה פלא (שמות טו, יא), דידוע בזמן שאדם מסתכל באי"ן נתבטל במציאות ונעשה מובדל ומופרש מעצמותו זהו ואאלפך חכמה (איוב לג, לג) דחכמה באה מאי"ן כדכתיב (שם כח, יב) והחכמה מאין תמצא, מחמת הסתכלות באי"ן באה החכמה, והיינו ואאלפך חכמה להביא חכמה באי"ן, והיינו ואאלפך לשון אל"ף, ואל"ף הוא אותיות פלא והיא גם כן ואאלפך בינה להביא הבינה גם כן באי"ן שיהיה מופלא ומכוסה מחמת הסתכלות באי"ן. וזהו הרמז נורא תהלות, כי האי"ן נקרא נורא תהלות, פירוש שהוא ירא ליתן לו תהלה. עושה פלא, גורם הפלא והפרשה למי שמסתכל באי"ן. וזהו הרמז ושמרתם את השבת כי קודש היא לכם (שמות לא, יד) דהנה ההסתכלות הוא בחינת מקבל מן האי"ן, והגם כשאחר כך כשמצייר ציורין ההסתכלות הוא משפיע להציור לפי מה שהסתכל כן נעשה הציור ונמצא הציור מקבל מן ההסתכלות. אמנם בעת שמסתכל על האי"ן ההסתכלות אז בחינת מקבל מן האי"ן. והיינו, כי קודש היא לכם, כלומר שההסתכלות שנקרא קודש על שם הפרשה שנעשה אז מופרש מעצמותו כנ"ל הוא בחינת מקבל לכם, והיינו לשון היא בחינת נוקבא מקבל וזהו בשבת, כי אז יכולין לדבק באי"ן:

(42) Another approach to the line:‎ מי כמוך באלים יהוה...נורא ‏תהלות עושה פלא‎, “Who is like You o Lord, among the ‎celestials, …awesome in splendour, working wonders!” ‎It is an accepted criterion of our faith that when a ‎person denies his ego the way is paved to his ‎becoming wise. This concept is spelled out in Job ‎‎33,33: ‎אם אין אתה, שמע לי החרש ואאלפך חכמה‎, “if you are ‎‎(prepared to be) ‘nothing’, listen to Me, and be still, ‎and I will teach you wisdom.” As the author has ‎mentioned several times, ‎חכמה‎, true wisdom, is the ‎result of divesting oneself totally of one’s “ego;” as we ‎know from another verse in Job 28,12 ‎והחכמה מאין תמצא‎, ‎‎“and wisdom you will find through negating “ego”, ‎becoming “nought,” i.e. ‎אין‎. A closer look at the word ‎אלף‎ which symbolizes the beginning of everything in ‎our world, will show you that when read backwards it ‎reads ‎פלא‎, “something transcendental, miraculous.” ‎Moses alludes to this when describing G’d as the ‎source of ‎פלא‎, “wonders.” What we have previously ‎described as ‎אין‎, is also a reference to ‎בינה‎, insight, ‎which, as the word indicates, is something internal, ‎therefore invisible, hidden, another aspect of the root ‎פלא‎ or ‎מופלא‎. Negation of self, of ego, results in one’s ‎becoming privy to the hidden insights, ‎פלא‎.‎
The author sees in Exodus 31,14, ‎‏ ושמרתם את השבת כי ‏קודש היא לכם‎, “you shall “observe” the Sabbath for it is ‎holy for you,” an allusion to our “viewing” the concept ‎of the Sabbath as our looking at its holy origin. The ‎word “seeing” is understood as the person who “sees” ‎receiving an image, i.e. he is a recipient of revelations ‎of one sort or another. A painter cannot paint a ‎painting until he has first seen an image which he tries ‎to reproduce on canvas, or paper, or any other suitable ‎surface. In the case of “observing” the Sabbath, we are ‎privy to receiving “images” from the ‎אין‎, from a ‎dimension of the universe, the celestial dimension, ‎that is devoid of a body and its attendant limitations. A ‎Sabbath properly “observed,” is a day in which we ‎distance ourselves from most of our physical needs, ‎‎[except, of course, fulfilling the ‎commandments that are prescribed and make our ‎bodies participants in this holy experience. ‎Ed.].

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