Klal Yisrael
Do you expect the people in your Jewish community to hold the value of Klal Yisrael? By this I mean that your community peers feel part of a collective deserving of intracommunal support, protection, resources, and care. As a young person, I was taught to host Jews who were new or traveling through town, to give money and time to community organizations, and to speak as if we are a connected people across region and time.
Second question - do you expect these people in your Jewish community who are also part of another identity-based community to hold a parallel value of collective responsibility to that second community? For example, I am trans, and I consider myself part of the queer community, meaning that I also feel a sense of allegiance and an urge to collective action for queer people everywhere (Adam Eli writes clearly about this in New Queer Conscience). Do you expect the Jews in your community to value Klal Yisrael, and also act collectively to support their other identity-based communities?
Now, what happens when two communities hold different visions and values, each based on a story they tell about themselves? This happens to me often. In the Jewish spaces where I was raised, we told a story of ourselves as a small people in danger of extinction. In response, I was taught a value of raising children with the knowledge to carry on traditions. This came along with an emphasis on marriage, heterosexual relationships, and biological family.
I am also part of queer spaces that tell another story about ourselves. We are excluded from biological family and socially sanctioned relationships. In response, I was taught an emphasis on chosen family, and a skepticism towards marriage and childrearing. When I got married I held these values in conflict. I was excited for my relationship to be seen by the Jewish community, and I didn’t want to mask my relationship to make it legible to heterosexual folks. When values are in conflict, there is always loss.