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Share(טז) וְכׇל־יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ וִֽיהוּדָ֔ה אֹהֵ֖ב אֶת־דָּוִ֑ד כִּי־ה֛וּא יוֹצֵ֥א וָבָ֖א לִפְנֵיהֶֽם׃ {פ} (יז) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר שָׁא֜וּל אֶל־דָּוִ֗ד הִנֵּה֩ בִתִּ֨י הַגְּדוֹלָ֤ה מֵרַב֙ אֹתָהּ֙ אֶתֶּן־לְךָ֣ לְאִשָּׁ֔ה אַ֚ךְ הֱיֵה־לִ֣י לְבֶן־חַ֔יִל וְהִלָּחֵ֖ם מִלְחֲמ֣וֹת יְהֹוָ֑ה וְשָׁא֣וּל אָמַ֗ר אַל־תְּהִ֤י יָדִי֙ בּ֔וֹ וּתְהִי־ב֖וֹ יַד־פְּלִשְׁתִּֽים׃ {ס} (יח) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר דָּוִ֜ד אֶל־שָׁא֗וּל מִ֤י אָֽנֹכִי֙ וּמִ֣י חַיַּ֔י מִשְׁפַּ֥חַת אָבִ֖י בְּיִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל כִּי־אֶהְיֶ֥ה חָתָ֖ן לַמֶּֽלֶךְ׃ (יט) וַיְהִ֗י בְּעֵ֛ת תֵּ֛ת אֶת־מֵרַ֥ב בַּת־שָׁא֖וּל לְדָוִ֑ד וְהִ֧יא נִתְּנָ֛ה לְעַדְרִיאֵ֥ל הַמְּחֹלָתִ֖י לְאִשָּֽׁה׃ (כ) וַתֶּאֱהַ֛ב מִיכַ֥ל בַּת־שָׁא֖וּל אֶת־דָּוִ֑ד וַיַּגִּ֣דוּ לְשָׁא֔וּל וַיִּשַׁ֥ר הַדָּבָ֖ר בְּעֵינָֽיו׃ (כא) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר שָׁא֜וּל אֶתְּנֶ֤נָּה לּוֹ֙ וּתְהִי־ל֣וֹ לְמוֹקֵ֔שׁ וּתְהִי־ב֖וֹ יַד־פְּלִשְׁתִּ֑ים וַיֹּ֤אמֶר שָׁאוּל֙ אֶל־דָּוִ֔ד בִּשְׁתַּ֛יִם תִּתְחַתֵּ֥ן בִּ֖י הַיּֽוֹם׃ (כב) וַיְצַ֨ו שָׁא֜וּל אֶת־עֲבָדָ֗ו דַּבְּר֨וּ אֶל־דָּוִ֤ד בַּלָּט֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר הִנֵּ֨ה חָפֵ֤ץ בְּךָ֙ הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וְכׇל־עֲבָדָ֖יו אֲהֵב֑וּךָ וְעַתָּ֖ה הִתְחַתֵּ֥ן בַּמֶּֽלֶךְ׃
(16) All Israel and Judah loved David, for he marched at their head. (17) Saul said to David, “Here is my older daughter, Merab; I will give her to you in marriage; in return, you be my warrior and fight the battles of the LORD.” Saul thought: “Let not my hand strike him; let the hand of the Philistines strike him.” (18) David replied to Saul, “Who am I and what is my life-—my father’s family in Israel—that I should become Your Majesty’s son-in-law?” (19) But at the time that Merab, daughter of Saul, should have been given to David, she was given in marriage to Adriel the Meholathite. (20) Now Michal daughter of Saul had fallen in love with David; and when this was reported to Saul, he was pleased. (21) Saul thought: “I will give her to him, and she can serve as a snare for him, so that the Philistines may kill him.” So Saul said to David, “You can become my son-in-law even now through the second one.” (22) And Saul instructed his courtiers to say to David privately, “The king is fond of you and all his courtiers like you. So why not become the king’s son-in-law?”
(14) David also sent messengers to Ish-bosheth son of Saul, to say, “Give me my wife Michal, for whom I paid the bride-price of one hundred Philistine foreskins.” (15) So Ish-bosheth sent and had her taken away from [her] husband, Paltiel son of Laish. (16) Her husband walked with her as far as Bahurim, weeping as he followed her; then Abner ordered him to turn back, and he went back.
(יא) וַיִּשְׁלַח֩ שָׁא֨וּל מַלְאָכִ֜ים אֶל־בֵּ֤ית דָּוִד֙ לְשׇׁמְר֔וֹ וְלַהֲמִית֖וֹ בַּבֹּ֑קֶר וַתַּגֵּ֣ד לְדָוִ֗ד מִיכַ֤ל אִשְׁתּוֹ֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר אִם־אֵ֨ינְךָ֜ מְמַלֵּ֤ט אֶֽת־נַפְשְׁךָ֙ הַלַּ֔יְלָה מָחָ֖ר אַתָּ֥ה מוּמָֽת׃ (יב) וַתֹּ֧רֶד מִיכַ֛ל אֶת־דָּוִ֖ד בְּעַ֣ד הַחַלּ֑וֹן וַיֵּ֥לֶךְ וַיִּבְרַ֖ח וַיִּמָּלֵֽט׃ (יג) וַתִּקַּ֨ח מִיכַ֜ל אֶת־הַתְּרָפִ֗ים וַתָּ֙שֶׂם֙ אֶל־הַמִּטָּ֔ה וְאֵת֙ כְּבִ֣יר הָעִזִּ֔ים שָׂ֖מָה מְרַאֲשֹׁתָ֑יו וַתְּכַ֖ס בַּבָּֽגֶד׃ {ס} (יד) וַיִּשְׁלַ֥ח שָׁא֛וּל מַלְאָכִ֖ים לָקַ֣חַת אֶת־דָּוִ֑ד וַתֹּ֖אמֶר חֹלֶ֥ה הֽוּא׃ {ס} (טו) וַיִּשְׁלַ֤ח שָׁאוּל֙ אֶת־הַמַּלְאָכִ֔ים לִרְא֥וֹת אֶת־דָּוִ֖ד לֵאמֹ֑ר הַעֲל֨וּ אֹת֧וֹ בַמִּטָּ֛ה אֵלַ֖י לַהֲמִתֽוֹ׃ (טז) וַיָּבֹ֙אוּ֙ הַמַּלְאָכִ֔ים וְהִנֵּ֥ה הַתְּרָפִ֖ים אֶל־הַמִּטָּ֑ה וּכְבִ֥יר הָעִזִּ֖ים מְרַאֲשֹׁתָֽיו׃ {ס} (יז) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר שָׁא֜וּל אֶל־מִיכַ֗ל לָ֤מָּה כָּ֙כָה֙ רִמִּיתִ֔נִי וַתְּשַׁלְּחִ֥י אֶת־אֹיְבִ֖י וַיִּמָּלֵ֑ט וַתֹּ֤אמֶר מִיכַל֙ אֶל־שָׁא֔וּל הוּא־אָמַ֥ר אֵלַ֛י שַׁלְּחִ֖נִי לָמָ֥ה אֲמִיתֵֽךְ׃
That night (11) Saul sent messengers to David’s home to keep watch on him and to kill him in the morning. But David’s wife Michal told him, “Unless you run for your life tonight, you will be killed tomorrow.” (12) Michal let David down from the window and he escaped and fled. (13) Michal then took the household idol, laid it on the bed, and covered it with a cloth; and at its head she put a net of goat’s hair. (14) Saul sent messengers to seize David; but she said, “He is sick.” (15) Saul, however, sent back the messengers to see David for themselves. “Bring him up to me in the bed,” he ordered, “that he may be put to death.” (16) When the messengers came, they found the household idol in the bed, with the net of goat’s hair at its head. (17) Saul said to Michal, “Why did you play that trick on me and let my enemy get away safely?” “Because,” Michal answered Saul, “he said to me: ‘Help me get away or I’ll kill you.’”
(12) It was reported to King David: “The LORD has blessed Obed-edom’s house and all that belongs to him because of the Ark of God.” Thereupon David went and brought up the Ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the City of David, amid rejoicing. (13) When the bearers of the Ark of the LORD had moved forward six paces, he sacrificed (14) David whirled with all his might before the LORD; David was girt with a linen ephod. (15) Thus David and all the House of Israel brought up the Ark of the LORD with shouts and with blasts of the horn. (16) As the Ark of the LORD entered the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the LORD; and she despised him for it.
(20) David went home to greet his household. And Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “Didn’t the king of Israel do himself honor today—exposing himself today in the sight of the slavegirls of his subjects, as one of the riffraff might expose himself!” (21) David answered Michal, “It was before the LORD who chose me instead of your father and all his family and appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel! I will dance before the LORD (22) and dishonor myself even more, and be low in esteem; but among the slave girls that you speak of I will be honored.” (23) So to her dying day Michal daughter of Saul had no children.
Passive aggressive posturing is a popular way to "get back" at people who have hurt you, because it feels like you're giving them back what they're shelling out. But it almost always backfires, leaving both parties feeling wronged and lonely. It's better, frankly, to have a fight that actually clears the air-and even better to reach out in a way that inspires your spouse to give you what you need.
Rabbi Shmuely Boteach, "Shalom in the Home: Smart Advice for a Peaceful Life
The longer partners feel disconnected, the more negative their interactions become. Researchers have identified several such damaging patterns...by far the most dominant of the trio is the Protest Polka. In this dialogue, one partner becomes critical and aggressive and the other defensive and distant. Psychologist John Gottman..finds that couples who get stuck in this pattern in the first few months of marriage have a more than an 80% chance of divorcing within the first four or five years.
Dr. Sue Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Contempt is fueled by long simmering negative thoughts about the partner. You're more likely to have such thoughts if your differences are not resolved....Belligerence, a close cousin to contempt, is just as deadly to a relationship. It is a form of aggressive anger because it contains a threat or provocation. When a wife complains that her husband doesn't come home from work in time for dinner, a belligerent response would be "Well, what are you going to do about it?"
Dr. John Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"