Finding Kindness through Tisha B'Av
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ShareTwo stories for Tisha B'Av: bar Kamtza and my grandmother.
A family story, part 1:
My grandmother Cindy, who we called Gram z"l, was famously kind. She made everyone feel seen and cared for, whether they were dear friends or total strangers. But even Gram was human. She once went to a restaurant and remembered that the waitress who had served her table had been acerbic and inattentive. "Please don't seat me in her section," she asked the hostess.
Jerusalem was destroyed on account of Kamtza and bar Kamtza.
There was a certain man whose friend was named Kamtza and whose enemy was named bar Kamtza. He once made a large feast and said to his servant: Go bring me my friend Kamtza. The servant went and mistakenly brought him his enemy bar Kamtza. The man who was hosting the feast came and foundbar Kamtzasitting at the feast. The host said tobar Kamtza, you are my enemy. What then do you want here? Arise and leave.Bar Kamtzasaid to him: Since I have already come, let me stay and I will give you money for whatever I eat and drink. Just do not embarrass me by sending me out. The host said to him: No, you must leave. Bar Kamtzasaid to him: I will give you money for half of the feast; just do not send me away. The host said to him: No, you must leave. Bar Kamtza then said to him: I will give you money for the entire feast; just let me stay. The host said to him: No, you must leave. Finally, the host tookbar Kamtzaby his hand, stood him up, and took him out.
After having been cast out from the feast, bar Kamtzasaid to himself: Since the Sages were sitting there and did not protest the actions of the host, although they saw how he humiliated me, I learn from it that they were content with what he did. I will therefore go and inform against them to the emperor. He went and said to the emperor: The Jews have rebelled against you. The emperor said to him: Who says that this is the case? Bar Kamtzasaid to him, "Go and test them; send them an offering to be brought in honor of the government, and see whether they will sacrifice it."
The emperor went and sent with him a choice three-year-old calf. Whilebar Kamtzawas coming with the calf to the Temple, he made a blemish on the calf’s upper lip. And some say he made the blemish on its eyelids, a place where according to us, i.e., halakha, it is a blemish, but according to them, gentile rules for their offerings, it is not a blemish. Therefore, when bar Kamtza brought the animal to the Temple, the priests would not sacrifice it on the altar since it was blemished, but they also could not explain this satisfactorily to the gentile authorities, who did not consider it to be blemished.
The Sages thought to sacrifice the animal as an offering due to the imperative to maintain peace with the government. But Rabbi Zekharya ben Avkolas said to them: If the priests do that, people will say that blemished animals may be sacrificed as offerings on the altar. As a result, they did nothing, bar Kamtza’s slander was accepted by the authorities, and consequently the war between the Jews and the Romans began.
Questions
- What led the Sages to do nothing, both before bar Kamtza's humiliation and with the blemished calf?
- What is the greatest sin committed in this story, and why?
A family story, part 2:
When Gram asked to not be seated in the difficult waitress's section, the hostess misheard her - she missed the word "not." She walked Gram straight over to that waitress's section and whispered something to the waitress. The waitress came over to the table beaming ear to ear, grateful and proud that someone had specifically requested her. She was attentive, warm, and in many ways an entirely different person.
Can you imagine if bar Kamtza had been treated differently?
