Vayishlach 5785 Esau's kiss: an affiliative and healing act: "Righteousness and peace have kissed"

In Parashat Vayishlach, the extraordinary markings on וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ - "and he [Esau] kissed him [Jacob]" - point us toward a way to transform enmity to affiliation.

בראשית ל״ג:ד׳

וַיָּ֨רׇץ עֵשָׂ֤ו לִקְרָאתוֹ֙ וַֽיְחַבְּקֵ֔הוּ וַיִּפֹּ֥ל עַל־צַוָּארָ֖ו וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ וַיִּבְכּֽוּ׃

Genesis 33:4

Esau ran to greet him [his twin brother Jacob]. He embraced him and, falling on his neck, he kissed him; and they wept.

וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ - and he [Esau] kissed him [Jacob]

In a sefer torah, and here on Sefaria, this word - וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ(vayishkeyhu) - "and he kissed him" - has six extra markings, one above each letter: these are called puncta extraordinaria - extraordinary points.

Whenever I see marks like this in Tanakh, they catch my eye, grab my attention, and summon me to pay particular attention to the word (or in some cases, words) that they are gracing.

What could these markings mean? What are they meant to indicate or suggest?

Why is this one word in our parsha - וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ - pointed in this extraordinary way? particularly when we consider that there are only fourteen instances of puncta extraordinaria

in the entire Tanakh, nine of which are in the Torah, of which our example from Parashat Vayishlach is one of five occurrences in the Book of Genesis (ie, more than half of the occurrences in the Torah are in Genesis).

(Other occurrences in Genesis: 16:5, 18:9, 19:33, 37:12 [see below].)

The moment of this kiss occurs at a climactic and uncertain moment, when two brothers, steeped in decades of enmity and grievances, are about to meet again. Will they harm one another, as Jacob seems to anticipate. Or will there be another sort of outcome, one of affiliation and reconciliation?

Although it's unlikely that we will be able to arrive at a definitive conclusion in this exploration, nevertheless at this time - this week, this year, היום (hayom - today) - I am moved to explore what this extraordinarily pointed word in our parsha may have to teach us, about moving away from enmity towards affiliation.

This moment of this brotherly kiss is an intense, suspenseful and emotional one: the brothers have not seen each other for twenty-two years. Jacob had acceded to his and Esau's mother Rebecca in her plan that Jacob should disguise himself as Esau in order to deceive their father Isaac so that Isaac would bless Jacob rather than Esau (Parashat Toldot). The moment when Esau realizes that this has happened, and when their father Isaac says that there are no more blessings for Esau, is a dramatic and heart-rending one. Esau's piercing cry of despair should move all readers to empathize with him, were it not for the fact that there have been millinia of commentary that demonize Esau and elevate Jacob:

בראשית כ״ז:ל״ד

(לד) כִּשְׁמֹ֤עַ עֵשָׂו֙ אֶת־דִּבְרֵ֣י אָבִ֔יו וַיִּצְעַ֣ק צְעָקָ֔ה גְּדֹלָ֥ה וּמָרָ֖ה עַד־מְאֹ֑ד וַיֹּ֣אמֶר לְאָבִ֔יו בָּרְכֵ֥נִי גַם־אָ֖נִי אָבִֽי׃

Genesis 27:34

(34) When Esau heard his father’s words, he cried out with a great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me too, Father!”

(Note the poignant irony: when we read "he [Esau] cried out with a great cry" - וַיִּצְעַ֣ק צְעָקָ֔ה - the word for "cry out" is a homonym with his father Isaac's name, yitzak.)

בראשית כ״ז:ל״ו

(לו) וַיֹּ֡אמֶר הֲכִי֩ קָרָ֨א שְׁמ֜וֹ יַעֲקֹ֗ב וַֽיַּעְקְבֵ֙נִי֙ זֶ֣ה פַעֲמַ֔יִם אֶת־בְּכֹרָתִ֣י לָקָ֔ח וְהִנֵּ֥ה עַתָּ֖ה לָקַ֣ח בִּרְכָתִ֑י וַיֹּאמַ֕ר הֲלֹא־אָצַ֥לְתָּ לִּ֖י בְּרָכָֽה׃

Genesis 27:36

(36) [Esau] said, “Was he, then, named Jacob that he might supplant me these two times? First he took away my birthright and now he has taken away my blessing!” And he added, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?”

So here we have the "backstory" to the moment in Parashat Vayishlach, when Esau and Jacob will meet again. Decades earlier, in his inconsolable state, Esau had vowed that he would kill Jacob after their father eventually died. Jacob fled for his life to Padam Aram, to Laban's household, where he stayed for twenty-two years, working for Laban, eventually marrying and having children with two of Laban's daughters (Leah and Rachel) as well as having children with two female servants (one of both Rachel's and Leah's).

Now Jacob is returning to Canaan, and the prospect of encountering his brother causes him to be mortally terrified ["Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed" Genesis 32:7), for himself and his entire family traveling with him. To appease / propitiate Esau (Genesis 32:21 - אֲכַפְּרָה פָנָיו), Jacob takes a number of actions: he sends extravagant gifts to Esau, with instructions to present them in an obsequious manner; he strategically divides his entire party into two groups; and he prays.

When the brothers finally meet, Jacob likewise addresses his brother in self-abasing terms.

And then - our verse, when the brothers finally meet: Esau runs to Jacob, embraces him, falls on his neck, and kisses him - וַׄיִּׄשָּׁׄקֵ֑ׄהׄוּׄ - our specially marked word. And then, they - the both of them - weep; a moment of shared emotion, perhaps a grateful moment of relief, a release of decades of apprehension and enmity.

Is Esau's kiss a turning point, transforming an atmosphere of enmity, mutual resentment, hatred, vengeance, into one of affiliation and connecting love between brothers?

Some commentators suggest that these puncta extraordinaria are here to show that Esau's kiss was insincere, or even that rather than kissing Jacob, in this moment Esau is biting him. In Bamidbar Rabbah 3:13 we find: "it is dotted, because he did not kiss him with all his heart."

רש"י על בראשית ל״ג:ד׳:ב׳

וישקהו. נָקוּד עָלָיו; וְיֵשׁ חוֹלְקִין בַּדָּבָר הַזֶּה בַּבָּרַיְתָא דְּסִפְרֵי, יֵשׁ שֶׁדָּרְשׁוּ נְקֻדָּה זוֹ שֶׁלֹּא נְשָׁקוֹ בְּכָל לִבּוֹ, אָמַר רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחַאי, הֲלָכָה הִיא בְּיָדוּעַ שֶׁעֵשָׂו שׂוֹנֵא לְיַעֲקֹב, אֶלָּא שֶׁנִּכְמְרוּ רַחֲמָיו בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה וּנְשָׁקוֹ בְּכָל לִבּוֹ (ספרי במדבר):

Rashi on Genesis 33:4:2

וישקהו AND HE KISSED HIM — Dots are placed above the letters of this word, and a difference of opinion is expressed in the Baraitha of Sifré (בהעלותך) as to what these dots are intended to suggest: some explain the dotting as meaning that he did not kiss him with his whole heart, whereas R Simeon the son of Johai said: Is it not well-known that Esau hated Jacob? But at that moment his pity was really aroused and he kissed him with his whole heart. (Sifrei Bamidbar 69.2)

בראשית רבה ע״ח:ט׳

(ט) וַיָּרָץ עֵשָׂו לִקְרָאתוֹ וַיִּשָּׁקֵהוּ (בראשית לג, ד), נָקוּד עָלָיו, אָמַר רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן אֶלְעָזָר בְּכָל מָקוֹם שֶׁאַתָּה מוֹצֵא הַכְּתָב רַבָּה עַל הַנְּקֻדָּה אַתָּה דוֹרֵשׁ אֶת הַכְּתָב, הַנְּקֻדָּה רַבָּה עַל הַכְּתָב אַתָּה דוֹרֵשׁ אֶת הַנְּקֻדָּה, כָּאן לֹא כְתָב רַבָּה עַל הַנְּקֻדָּה וְלֹא נְקֻדָּה רַבָּה עַל הַכְּתָב אֶלָא מְלַמֵּד שֶׁנִּכְמְרוּ רַחֲמָיו בְּאוֹתָהּ הַשָּׁעָה וּנְשָׁקוֹ בְּכָל לִבּוֹ. אָמַר לוֹ רַבִּי יַנַּאי אִם כֵּן לָמָּה נָקוּד עָלָיו, אֶלָּא מְלַמֵּד שֶׁלֹא בָּא לְנַשְּׁקוֹ אֶלָּא לְנָשְּׁכוֹ, וְנַעֲשָׂה צַוָּארוֹ שֶׁל אָבִינוּ יַעֲקֹב שֶׁל שַׁיִשׁ וְקָהוּ שִׁנָּיו שֶׁל אוֹתוֹ רָשָׁע, וּמַה תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר וַיִּבְכּוּ, אֶלָּא זֶה בּוֹכֶה עַל צַוָּארוֹ וְזֶה בּוֹכֶה עַל שִׁנָּיו. רַבִּי אַבָּהוּ בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן מַיְיתֵי לָהּ מִן הָכָא (שיר השירים ז, ה): צַוָּארֵךְ כְּמִגְדַּל הַשֵּׁן וגו'.

Bereshit Rabbah 78:9

(9)“Esau ran to meet him, embraced him, fell upon his neck, and kissed him, and they wept” (Genesis 33:4). “Esau ran to meet him…and kissed him [vayishakehu]” – it is dotted above it.18Above the word vayishakehu. Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar said: Every place you find the script more numerous than the dots, you expound the script; the dots more numerous than the script, you expound the dots. Here, neither is the script more numerous than the dots, nor are the dots more numerous than the script. Rather, it teaches that at that moment he was overcome with mercy and he kissed him with all his heart. Rabbi Yannai said to him: If so, why is it dotted over it? Rather, it teaches that he did not come to kiss him, but rather to bite him, and Jacob’s neck was transformed into marble and the teeth of that wicked one were blunted. Why does the verse state: “And they wept”? It is, rather, that this one wept over his neck, and that one wept over his teeth. Rabbi Abbahu in the name of Rabbi Yoḥanan derives it from here: “Your neck is like the ivory tower…” (Song of Songs 7:5).

רבנו בחיי, בראשית ל״ג:ד׳:א׳

וישקהו נקוד עליו, וידוע כי כל תיבה שהיא נקודה בכל הכתובים הענין להתעוררות דבר, וכאן למדך שנשיקה זו לא היתה בכל לבו רק נשיקת אף, כענין שכתוב (משלי כ״ז:ו׳) ונעתרות נשיקות שונא. ובא הנביא ע"ה ופירש (עמוס א׳:י״א) ויטרוף לעד אפו ועברתו שמרה נצח.

Rabbeinu Bahya, Bereshit 33:4:1

וישקהו, “and he kissed him.” The word is written with dots on top of the letters. We know that whenever the sages of the massorah have seen fit to place these dots on top of a word or a letter they did so in order to attract our attention. Here the reason they placed these dots was to let us know that this kiss was not whole-hearted. It was a kiss which originated in anger. We find a similarly motivated kiss in Proverbs 27,6 ונעתרות נשיקות שונא, “the kisses of an enemy are profuse.” Amos 1,11 explains the matter when he writes: ויטרוף לעד אפו ועברתו שמרה נצח, “because his anger raged unavailing, and his fury stormed forever. “

I do not find this line of argument convincing, for many reasons. A significant reason is: if we assume that his kiss was insincere, then wouldn't his embrace and "falling on [Jacob's] neck also have been insincere?

Also, I am inclined to attempt to filter out the millennia of negative commentary about Esau, and to strive to view him in a favorable, shalom-ful light.

What is kissing, between brothers? What is this sort of kissing, in the Tanakh?

In Tanakh, when we find this verb - √ישק - it usually means to kiss (although it also has meanings of to arrange / to adjust, and even to arm oneself - a contranymic semantic cloud).

Of the thirty-four occurrences in Tanakh, thirty of these indicate kissing. Just three of the thirty-four occurrences indicate the contranymic meaning, to arm / to rule, and one indicates touch [similar to "to kiss"].

The preponderance of these thirty occurrences meaning "to kiss" are - notably - not romantic kisses, but rather what I will call affiliative kisses - between brothers, family members, associates. One other instance in particular seems to me to resonate particularly strongly with Esau's kissing Jacob that we are studying. This is in Parashat Vayigash, when Joseph finally reveals himself to his brothers:

בראשית מ״ה:י״ד-ט״ו

(יד) וַיִּפֹּ֛ל עַל־צַוְּארֵ֥י בִנְיָמִֽן־אָחִ֖יו וַיֵּ֑בְךְּ וּבִ֨נְיָמִ֔ן בָּכָ֖ה עַל־צַוָּארָֽיו׃ (טו)וַיְנַשֵּׁ֥ק לְכׇל־אֶחָ֖יו וַיֵּ֣בְךְּ עֲלֵהֶ֑ם וְאַ֣חֲרֵי כֵ֔ן דִּבְּר֥וּ אֶחָ֖יו אִתּֽוֹ׃

Genesis 45:14-15

(14) With that he [Joseph] embraced his brother Benjamin around the neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. (15)He kissed all his brothers and wept upon them; only then were his brothers able to talk to him.

A number of other powerful examples in Tanakh of what I'm calling affiliative kissing:

בראשית נ׳:א׳

(א) וַיִּפֹּ֥ל יוֹסֵ֖ף עַל־פְּנֵ֣י אָבִ֑יו וַיֵּ֥בְךְּ עָלָ֖יו וַיִּשַּׁק־לֽוֹ׃

Genesis 50:1

(1) Joseph flung himself upon his father’s face and wept over him and kissed him.

שמות י״ח:ז׳

(ז) וַיֵּצֵ֨א מֹשֶׁ֜ה לִקְרַ֣את חֹֽתְנ֗וֹ וַיִּשְׁתַּ֙חוּ֙ וַיִּשַּׁק־ל֔וֹ וַיִּשְׁאֲל֥וּ אִישׁ־לְרֵעֵ֖הוּ לְשָׁל֑וֹם וַיָּבֹ֖אוּ הָאֹֽהֱלָה׃

Exodus 18:7

(7) Moses went out to meet his father-in-law; he bowed low and kissed him; each asked after the other’s welfare, and they went into the tent.

רות א׳:י״ד

(יד) וַתִּשֶּׂ֣נָה קוֹלָ֔ן וַתִּבְכֶּ֖ינָה ע֑וֹד וַתִּשַּׁ֤ק עׇרְפָּה֙ לַחֲמוֹתָ֔הּ וְר֖וּת דָּ֥בְקָה בָּֽהּ׃

Ruth 1:14

(14) They broke into weeping again, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law farewell. But Ruth clung to her.

As we consider the affiliative nature of such kisses, the kiss of peace in Christian practice comes to mind. Although an exploration of this kiss of peace is beyond the scope of this Sefaria sheet, it is important to acknowledge and include this consideration here.

In the case of Joseph and his brothers (Jacob's children), the scene and Joseph's kisses for his brothers (above, from Parashat Vayigash, Genesis 50:1) result in a rapprochement among the brothers, a lasting reunion.

In the case of Jacob and Esau however, despite the powerful moment of Esau's kiss and the two brothers' shared weeping, soon they will part, and remain in a persistently adversarial state. Rabbinic sources and subsequent centuries of commentary and tradition cast Esau in a negative light, including claiming that Esau is the ancestor of the Romans.

Esau - also known as Edom (red) - is said to be the progenitor of the Amalekites, and the Romans that is, the root of significant oppressors of the children of Israel.

Let's have a look at the other four verses in the Book of Genesis that include puncta extraordinaria; I suggest that they have traces of disaffiliation / affiliation:

בראשית ט״ז:ה׳

(ה) וַתֹּ֨אמֶר שָׂרַ֣י אֶל־אַבְרָם֮ חֲמָסִ֣י עָלֶ֒יךָ֒ אָנֹכִ֗י נָתַ֤תִּי שִׁפְחָתִי֙ בְּחֵיקֶ֔ךָ וַתֵּ֙רֶא֙ כִּ֣י הָרָ֔תָה וָאֵקַ֖ל בְּעֵינֶ֑יהָ יִשְׁפֹּ֥ט ה׳ בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵינֶֽיׄךָ׃

Genesis 16:5

(5) And Sarai said to Abram, “The wrong done me is your fault! I myself put my maid in your bosom; now that she sees that she is pregnant, I am lowered in her esteem. ה׳ decide between you and me!”

This verse is part of the troubling narrative of the enmity between Sarai (Sarah) and Hagar, the mother of Ishmael.

בראשית י״ח:ט׳

(ט) וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֵׄלָ֔יׄוׄ אַיֵּ֖ה שָׂרָ֣ה אִשְׁתֶּ֑ךָ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר הִנֵּ֥ה בָאֹֽהֶל׃

Genesis 18:9

(9) They said to him, “Where is your wife Sarah?” And he replied, “There, in the tent.”

What to make of these puncta extraordinaria in this word - אֵׄלָ֔יׄוׄ - to him [ie, to Abram] early in Parashat Vayera?

Possibly something here about connectivity: the message is for Sarai as well as for Abram, however the message is delivered explicitly only to Abram.

בראשית י״ט:ל״ג

(לג) וַתַּשְׁקֶ֧יןָ אֶת־אֲבִיהֶ֛ן יַ֖יִן בַּלַּ֣יְלָה ה֑וּא וַתָּבֹ֤א הַבְּכִירָה֙ וַתִּשְׁכַּ֣ב אֶת־אָבִ֔יהָ וְלֹֽא־יָדַ֥ע בְּשִׁכְבָ֖הּ וּבְקוּׄמָֽהּ׃

Genesis 19:33

(33) That night they made their father drink wine, and the older one went in and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she rose.

This verse, from Parashat Vayera, tells us about the troubling moment when Lot's two daughters - thinking that they and their father were the last remaining humans - decided to sexually assault their father (after getting him drunk), in order to become pregnant and thus perpetuate the human race. Troubling affiliation here.

בראשית ל״ז:י״ב

(יב) וַיֵּלְכ֖וּ אֶחָ֑יו לִרְע֛וֹת אֶׄתׄ־צֹ֥אן אֲבִיהֶ֖ם בִּשְׁכֶֽם׃

Genesis 37:12

(12) One time, when his brothers had gone to pasture their father’s flock at Shechem...

This verse, from Parashat Vayeshev, will initiate the entire narrative of Joseph's brothers casting him into the pit and thus facilitating his being taken as a slave to Egypt - in other words, a pivotal moment in the narrative of the brothers' enmity and eventual re-affiliation.

For a discussion of the single instance of puncta exrtraordinaria in the Book of Deuteronomy (in Parashat Nitzavim) please see my commentary:

Nitzavim x Psalm 27 / Elul 5784 Extraordinary points - revealing the truths that are hidden
Contention, vengeance, anger, violence, oppression.

Today, it is crucial that we explore paths to affiliation and wholeness - shalom - and attempt to shed our attachment to enmity and vengeance.

I suggest that at this moment, Esau's kiss in Genesis 33:4 can be a catalyst for healing, modeling how we might be moved to greet our adversary, one who has harmed us, with an affiliative kiss.

When we can do that, we will be living out the promise of this beautiful verse from Psalms:

תהילים פ״ה:י״א

(יא) חֶסֶד־וֶאֱמֶ֥ת נִפְגָּ֑שׁוּ צֶ֖דֶק וְשָׁל֣וֹם נָשָֽׁקוּ׃

Psalms 85:11

(11) Faithfulness and truth have met; righteousness and peace have kissed.

Rabbi Anita Josefa Barzman MD Founder, micro-mishkan.net

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