Ki Tisa 5786 - Bearing unbearable transgressions: what is required of us in this critical moment?

What idols do we worship? Can we repair damage that arises from deep places of aggression and violence? Can we do the work, now, of repair of our own selves (tikkun ha'nefesh) and repair of the world (tikkun olam)?

In the Jewish origin story, the most profound and grievous collective transgression occurs in this week's Torah portion, Parasaht Ki Tisa, when "the people", in Moses' absence, seem to instantaneously devolve to a collective state that undermines one of the most fundamental elements of the covenantal relationship that they have entered into with the Divine: not to create images of the Divine.

This is "the story of the Golden Calf" (for which there are numerous terms and euphemisms throughout Jewish texts) - the "molten calf", the "sin of the calf", "the calf": the eruption of the primitive impulse in the collective psyche in which we regress to less developed levels, where gratification of instinctual impulses of aggression and domination come forward, and we regress to a childish or even infantile state in which we lose our capacity for abstract thinking, shut off our thinking minds and prostrate ourselves before a golden, gleaming, shiny idol.

It seems that this is happening today. What are our idols today?

For example:

or this:

or:

or this :

The poignant irony of the peoples' devolution to the archaic primitive state of mind in which they demand that an idol be fashioned for them - "make us a god who shall go before us" - occurs at a moment when their experience is that their leader is not present - "we do not know what has happened to that man Moses" precisely because that leader is at that very moment engaged in the most intimate of dialgues with the Divine Presence, as a receiver / receptor for the record of the most fundamental set of values in the covenant.

שמות ל״ב:א׳-ו׳

(א) וַיַּ֣רְא הָעָ֔ם כִּֽי־בֹשֵׁ֥שׁ מֹשֶׁ֖ה לָרֶ֣דֶת מִן־הָהָ֑ר וַיִּקָּהֵ֨ל הָעָ֜ם עַֽל־אַהֲרֹ֗ן וַיֹּאמְר֤וּ אֵלָיו֙ ק֣וּם ׀ עֲשֵׂה־לָ֣נוּ אֱלֹהִ֗ים אֲשֶׁ֤ר יֵֽלְכוּ֙ לְפָנֵ֔ינוּ כִּי־זֶ֣ה ׀ מֹשֶׁ֣ה הָאִ֗ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֤ר הֶֽעֱלָ֙נוּ֙ מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרַ֔יִם לֹ֥א יָדַ֖עְנוּ מֶה־הָ֥יָה לֽוֹ׃ (ב) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֲלֵהֶם֙ אַהֲרֹ֔ן פָּֽרְקוּ֙ נִזְמֵ֣י הַזָּהָ֔ב אֲשֶׁר֙ בְּאׇזְנֵ֣י נְשֵׁיכֶ֔ם בְּנֵיכֶ֖ם וּבְנֹתֵיכֶ֑ם וְהָבִ֖יאוּ אֵלָֽי׃ (ג) וַיִּתְפָּֽרְקוּ֙ כׇּל־הָעָ֔ם אֶת־נִזְמֵ֥י הַזָּהָ֖ב אֲשֶׁ֣ר בְּאׇזְנֵיהֶ֑ם וַיָּבִ֖יאוּ אֶֽל־אַהֲרֹֽן׃ (ד) וַיִּקַּ֣ח מִיָּדָ֗ם וַיָּ֤צַר אֹתוֹ֙ בַּחֶ֔רֶט וַֽיַּעֲשֵׂ֖הוּ עֵ֣גֶל מַסֵּכָ֑ה וַיֹּ֣אמְר֔וּ אֵ֤לֶּה אֱלֹהֶ֙יךָ֙ יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר הֶעֱל֖וּךָ מֵאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃ (ה) וַיַּ֣רְא אַהֲרֹ֔ן וַיִּ֥בֶן מִזְבֵּ֖חַ לְפָנָ֑יו וַיִּקְרָ֤א אַֽהֲרֹן֙ וַיֹּאמַ֔ר חַ֥ג לַיהוה מָחָֽר׃ (ו) וַיַּשְׁכִּ֙ימוּ֙ מִֽמׇּחֳרָ֔ת וַיַּעֲל֣וּ עֹלֹ֔ת וַיַּגִּ֖שׁוּ שְׁלָמִ֑ים וַיֵּ֤שֶׁב הָעָם֙ לֶֽאֱכֹ֣ל וְשָׁת֔וֹ וַיָּקֻ֖מוּ לְצַחֵֽק׃ {פ}

Exodus 32:1-6

(1) When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, the people gathered against Aaron and said to him, “Come, make us a god who shall go before us, for we do not know what has happened to Moses—the man who brought us from the land of Egypt.” (2) Aaron said to them, “Take off the gold rings that are on the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” (3) And all the people took off the gold rings that were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. (4) This he took from them and cast in a mold, and made it into a molten calf. And they exclaimed, “This is your god, O Israel, who brought you out of the land of Egypt!” (5) When Aaron saw this, he built an altar before it; and Aaron announced: “Tomorrow shall be a festival of GOD!” (6) Early next day, the people offered up burnt offerings and brought sacrifices of well-being; they sat down to eat and drink, and then rose to dance.

As I write this, in the early morning of Sunday 1 March 2026 | 12 Adar 5786 (approaching erev Purim), less than 36 hours ago - the United States and Israel attacked Iran based on the claim of "imminent threat" to both Israel and the United States.

What are our leaders engaged with at this critical moment? Is there a way back? Can we steady ourselves with our most cherished values? What we hope to repair?

"The whole region is being set on fire....This is creating a situation where, let me say, there are new enemies. There are questions going on among diplomats.... in different coutrries in the Gulf, they are consideirng how to retaliate to this. This is taking the situation to a real regional war with several parties in it."
Sunday 1 March 2026 6 a.m. Ali Hashem, journalist covering the Middle East with extensive focus on Iran and Iraq; senior journalist for Al Jazeera English Channel; research fellow at Lancaster University’s Sectarianism, Proxies and De-Sectarianization Project.

The Nuremberg Tribunal, in 1946, spoke of aggression perpetrated by states as "the supreme international crime .... differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole...."

Engaging with Parashat Ki Tissa at the start of March 2026, on the eve of Purim 5786, I feel obliged to enter into questions of collective violence, betrayal of diplomacy, abrogation of justice, which are occurring to benefit our current idols of power, domination, wealth, greed.

Is repair possible? How much can we bear? In the face of shocking betrayal and violence, how much can we forgive? Once we have broken a sacred trust, how can it be repaired?

After the Golden Calf has been formed, both God and Moses are profoundly distressed. Their dialogue at this point in the narrative is intense and dramatic, and explores the profound question of whether there can be repair after such a betrayal. Right here, in Parashat Ki Tisa, we have the first appearance of the idea of forgiveness / repair between God and "the people", which will go on to be a prototype for forgiveness between / among people.

We will see in these verses that forgiveness is something that happens within a relationship, between the two parties, that affects and changes both sides. It is a process. Repair is a process, which leaves traces.

Let us study this today, and let us dedicate this study to seemingly ever-diminishing likelihood of the arising of reconciliation and repair and peace in the world.

שמות ל״ב:ל״ב

(לב) וְעַתָּ֖ה אִם־תִּשָּׂ֣א חַטָּאתָ֑ם וְאִם־אַ֕יִן מְחֵ֣נִי נָ֔א מִֽסִּפְרְךָ֖ אֲשֶׁ֥ר כָּתָֽבְתָּ׃

Exodus 32:32

(32) Now, if You will forgive their sin [well and good]; but if not, erase me from the record that You have written!” (JPS translation)

This - אִם־תִּשָּׂ֣א - usually translated as, “Now, if You will forgive their
sin”; I propose another translation that carries another interpretation, because translating אִם־תִּשָּׂ֣א as “if you will forgive” misses an important dimension of this verse, a radical dimension of forgiveness:
"And now, if you will bear / if you will endure /if you will carry the people’s sin..."

Forgiveness does not erase what’s happened.

Traces inevitably remain of the harm we’ve done: traces within us, and within the one(s) we have harmed. If God can indeed bear or endure the fact that the people have transgressed, then God and Moses and bnei Israel can move forward and repair what has been broken. To do this, God will need to carry or bear something. The "injured party" inevitably bears traces of the harm.

And not only this: we, the transgressors, inevitably also "carry" traces of the harm we have done. Teshuva is not absolution. Repair is not wiping clean the hard drive. When we have trangressed, when we have turned away from our most dearly held values, turning back to what we value requires a sort of ethical fortitude and endurance.

Please note also that the phrase here - אִם־תִּשָּׂ֣א im tissa - is precisely the same verb as the word that appears at the start of this week's parsha, and in its name:

שמות ל׳:י״א-י״ב

(יא) וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר יהוה אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֥ה לֵּאמֹֽר׃

(יב) כִּ֣י תִשָּׂ֞א(ki tissa) אֶת־רֹ֥אשׁ בְּנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵל֮ לִפְקֻדֵיהֶם֒ וְנָ֨תְנ֜וּ אִ֣ישׁ כֹּ֧פֶר נַפְשׁ֛וֹ לַיהוה בִּפְקֹ֣ד אֹתָ֑ם וְלֹא־יִהְיֶ֥ה בָהֶ֛ם נֶ֖גֶף בִּפְקֹ֥ד אֹתָֽם׃

Exodus 30:11-12

(11) GOD spoke to Moses, saying:

(12) When you take a census of the Israelites according to their army enrollment, each shall pay GOD a ransom for himself on being enrolled, that no plague may come upon them through their being enrolled.

The verse at the start of the parsha - "when you take [a count / census" ... according to their enrollment..." brings the same verb that we are seeing in "if you will bear / carry / endure"; what does taking a census have to do with enduring / bearing / carrying?

When you take (Exodus 30:12) : כִּ֣י תִשָּׂ֞א (ki tisa)
If you will bear / carry / forgive (Exodus 32:32): אִם־תִּשָּׂ֣א (im tisa)

The verbal root (shoresh) is √נשא
In the qal binyan, as in both of these cases, this verb can mean:
to lift / lift up
to bear / bear up
to carry
to take /take away
to support
to sustain
to endure
to forgive

Taking a census... taking account of... and thus acknowledging that all will be counted, all will count.

Rabbi Shefa Gold has a beautiful teaching about the beginning of Parashat Ki Tisa, the being counted in order to contribute to the building of the Mishkan:
"Ki Tisa tells us that everyone, no matter how rich or poor, is commanded to make an equal contribution. Those half-shekels that are collected are used for the casting of the sockets of the sanctuary, the pieces that hold it all together. What a blessing to know that my half-shekel is necessary and valued. And what a blessing it is to look around me and acknowledge that everyone has something to contribute that will hold the “Structures of the Sacred” in place. (I am not alone in my contributions, nor may I withhold my presence from this sacred task.)
THE HALF-SHEKEL is called “a ransom for your soul,” for your soul is truly in danger if you do not consciously contribute to this Mishkan of community and acknowledge the equal value of each and every one of us. We can only build this holy place together. And we cannot sustain a spiritual practice that is blind to our interdependency with all of life.
The half-shekel we contribute is a reminder of the truth of our interdependency. Giving it consciously, we are saying, “Count me in!” Just by being alive and present I become an integral part of this glorious community. My half-shekel redeems me from the illusion of separation. The blessing of the half-shekel is that it saves me from inflation and self importance… after all it’s only a half-shekel, only a miniscule part of the whole. And the blessing of the half-shekel saves me from invisibility or demeaning of my self-worth… after all, my contribution is of equal value to everyone else’s, and the Mishkan could not be held together without it."

This verb and its forms appear frequently in Tanakh: 654 times in 609 verses. Other contexts include:

lifting up one's voice, in prayer or sorrow:

בראשית כ״ז:ל״ח

(לח) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר עֵשָׂ֜ו אֶל־אָבִ֗יו הַֽבְרָכָ֨ה אַחַ֤ת הִֽוא־לְךָ֙ אָבִ֔י בָּרְכֵ֥נִי גַם־אָ֖נִי אָבִ֑י וַיִּשָּׂ֥א עֵשָׂ֛ו קֹל֖וֹ וַיֵּֽבְךְּ׃

Genesis 27:38

(38) And Esau said to his father, “Have you but one blessing, Father? Bless me too, Father!” And Esau wept aloud.

רות א׳:י״ד

(יד) וַתִּשֶּׂ֣נָה קוֹלָ֔ן וַתִּבְכֶּ֖ינָה ע֑וֹד וַתִּשַּׁ֤ק עׇרְפָּה֙ לַחֲמוֹתָ֔הּ וְר֖וּת דָּ֥בְקָה בָּֽהּ׃

Ruth 1:14

(14) They lifted up their voices and broke into weeping again, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law farewell. But Ruth clung to her.

to carry:

שמות י״ט:ד׳

(ד) אַתֶּ֣ם רְאִיתֶ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשִׂ֖יתִי לְמִצְרָ֑יִם וָאֶשָּׂ֤א אֶתְכֶם֙ עַל־כַּנְפֵ֣י נְשָׁרִ֔ים וָאָבִ֥א אֶתְכֶ֖ם אֵלָֽי׃

Exodus 19:4

(4) ‘You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, how I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Me.

to lift one's eyes:

ישעיהו ס׳:ד׳

(ד)שְׂאִֽי־סָבִ֤יב עֵינַ֙יִךְ֙ וּרְאִ֔י כֻּלָּ֖ם נִקְבְּצ֣וּ בָֽאוּ־לָ֑ךְ בָּנַ֙יִךְ֙ מֵרָח֣וֹק יָבֹ֔אוּ וּבְנוֹתַ֖יִךְ עַל־צַ֥ד תֵּאָמַֽנָה׃

Isaiah 60:4

(4)Lift up your eyes and look about: They have all gathered and come to you. Your sons shall be brought from afar, Your daughters like babes on shoulders.

Lifting... carrying... bearing... enduring... forgiving...

I suggest that in this critical moment when Moses wonders if God can bear, can endure - and ultimately forgive - the transgressions of the people, this challenge to God resonates back to the action of counting the people, of being counted (at the start of the parsha) for the purpose of the "being counted" being included in the offering that each person will make for the construction of the mishkan. Our actions count. The traces and consequences of our actions count.

The idea of forgiveness is introduced later in Parashat Ki Tissa:

שמות ל״ד:ט׳

(ט) וַיֹּ֡אמֶר אִם־נָא֩ מָצָ֨אתִי חֵ֤ן בְּעֵינֶ֙יךָ֙ אדני יֵֽלֶךְ־נָ֥א אדני בְּקִרְבֵּ֑נוּ כִּ֤י עַם־קְשֵׁה־עֹ֙רֶף֙ ה֔וּא וְסָלַחְתָּ֛ לַעֲוֺנֵ֥נוּ וּלְחַטָּאתֵ֖נוּ וּנְחַלְתָּֽנוּ׃

Exodus 34:9

(9) and said, “If I have gained Your favor, O my Sovereign, pray, let my Sovereign go in our midst, even though this is a stiffnecked people. Pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for Your own!”

At this point in the narrative, God and Moses are in effect restating the covenant. God has provided a second set of tablets, after Moses has broken the first set in his disturbed state.

Notable is that this idea of pardon / forgiveness - by way of this new verb, √סלך (salach) (which is the root of Selichot, the penitential prayers and special service leading up to Rosh Hashanah) appears only after there has been a process between God and Moses, and also among Moses and Aaron and the people, a painful process and violent one; the first set of tablets are broken, and there’s been a violent purge of thousands of "the children of Israel" who had participated in "the sin of the Calf".

We see that forgiveness is something that happens within a relationship, between the parties, and it affects and changes both sides.

When Moses asks God if God can bear, can endure, the transgressions of the people, I suggest that implicit in this question the inevitable presence of the traces of the sin - if and when God does forgive us. Something remains of the experience. We’re not absolved; the slate is not quite wiped clean. Just as the shards of the broken first set of Tablets are lovingly sheltered in the Ark along with the intact second set of Tablets, so we must be aware that even when forgiveness have occurred, we bear the traces of the transgressions. We value and honor the traces of the broken covenant just as we value the renewed covenant which has resulted from forgiveness and return, from Teshuvah.

It's past time for each of us to ask ourselves what actions we would take, what actions we will take, when our leaders are missing in action, when instanteously there is static on the line and we can not connect with the most basic values - such as the valuing of human life.

How do we gather ourselves in moments of primitive chaos and remind ourselves of what we value most? These questions about teshuvah/ repair are an urgent ethical practice that's not only for the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but for every day. Bearing the painful truths of the harm we have inflicted, facing it, and then undertaking repair - teshuvah is for every day. It is for now, it is for today.

In Lurianic Kabbalah, repair of the soul (tikkun ha'nefesh) and repair of the world (tikkun ha'olam) are understood to be inseparable and interwoven: we much attend to both, in order to rectify and repair the fractured universe.

The way back from the current chaos we are experiencing, and the possibility of repair, requires of each of us to have the moral fortitude and the inner strength and the humility to acknowledge that we must bear the traces of the wrongs we have committed. In order to repair, we must face what we have broken.

What steps can each of us take to participate in tikkun ha'nefesh and tikkun olam?

Let us lift our eyes, lift our heads, and examine and repair ourselves and our transgressions, and thereby work to repair the world.

תהילים כ״ד:ז׳

(ז) שְׂא֤וּ שְׁעָרִ֨ים ׀ רָֽאשֵׁיכֶ֗ם וְֽ֭הִנָּשְׂאוּ פִּתְחֵ֣י עוֹלָ֑ם וְ֝יָב֗וֹא מֶ֣לֶךְ הַכָּבֽוֹד׃

Psalms 24:7

(7)

Lift up your heads, oh you gates and rise up, you everlasting portals, that the king of glory may enter.

תהילים קכ״א:א׳-ב׳

(א) שִׁ֗יר לַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת אֶשָּׂ֣א עֵ֭ינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים מֵ֝אַ֗יִן יָבֹ֥א עֶזְרִֽי׃ (ב) עֶ֭זְרִי מֵעִ֣ם יהוה עֹ֝שֵׂ֗ה שָׁמַ֥יִם וָאָֽרֶץ׃

Psalms 121:1-2

(1) A song for ascents. I lift my eyes to the mountains;from where will my help come?

(2)My help comes from GOD, maker of heaven and earth.

Esa Einai - I lift my eyes - Joey Weisenberg

Rabbi Anita Josefa Barzman MD Founder, micro-mishkan.net

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