Parashat Matot/Masei 5484: Stomaching the Truth
Too often, we avoid facing uncomfortable truths about ourselves. The laws of vows, and the process for nullification of vows, demands that we no longer avoid the truth just because it is unpleasant or inconvenient.

אִישׁ֩ כִּֽי־יִדֹּ֨ר נֶ֜דֶר לַֽיהֹוָ֗ה אֽוֹ־הִשָּׁ֤בַע שְׁבֻעָה֙ לֶאְסֹ֤ר אִסָּר֙ עַל־נַפְשׁ֔וֹ לֹ֥א יַחֵ֖ל דְּבָר֑וֹ כְּכׇל־הַיֹּצֵ֥א מִפִּ֖יו יַעֲשֶֽׂה׃

If anyone makes a vow to GOD or takes an oath imposing an obligation on themselves, they shall not break their pledge; they must carry out all that has crossed their lips.

1. God's Passion for Truth

רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, פּוֹתְחִין לָאָדָם בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. וַחֲכָמִים אוֹסְרִין. אָמַר רַבִּי צָדוֹק, עַד שֶׁפּוֹתְחִין לוֹ בִכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, יִפְתְּחוּ לוֹ בִכְבוֹד הַמָּקוֹם, אִם כֵּן אֵין נְדָרִים. וּמוֹדִים חֲכָמִים לְרַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר בְּדָבָר שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵין אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, שֶׁפּוֹתְחִין לוֹ בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ:

Rabbi Eliezer says: They release a vow [by reference] to the honor of his father and mother but the Sages forbid. Rabbi Zadok said: Instead of releasing through the honor of his father and mother, they should release [by reference] to the honor of God. If so, there would be no vows! But the Sages admit to Rabbi Eliezer that in a matter concerning himself and his father and mother one may release a vow [by reference] to the honor of his father and mother.

רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר פּוֹתְחִין לָאָדָם בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. כְּגוֹן שֶׁיֹּאמְרוּ לוֹ אִלּוּ הָיִיתָ יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁיֹּאמְרוּ הָעוֹלָם לְאָבִיךָ וּלְאִמְּךָ רְאוּ גִדּוּלִים שֶׁגִּדַּלְתֶּם, כַּמָּה בִּנְכֶם קַל בִּנְדָרִים, וְנִמְצֵאתָ מְזַלְזֵל בִּכְבוֹדָם, כְּלוּם הָיִיתָ נוֹדֵר:

רבי אליעזר אומר פותחין לאדם בכבוד אביו ואמו – as, for example, that they would say to him: “if you would know that the world would say to your father and your mother, ‘see the rearing of your children that you raised, how much your children are lax in the taking of vows’ and it would be found that they despise their honor (i.e., that of their parents), you would not ever take a vow.”

אָמַר רָבָא: מֵרֵישׁ הֲוָה אָמֵינָא, לֵיכָּא קוּשְׁטָא בְּעָלְמָא. אֲמַר לִי הָהוּא מֵרַבָּנַן, וְרַב טָבוּת שְׁמֵיהּ – וְאָמְרִי לַהּ רַב טָבְיוֹמֵי שְׁמֵיהּ – דְּאִי הֲווֹ יָהֲבִי לֵיהּ כֹּל חֲלָלֵי דְּעָלְמָא לָא הֲוָה מְשַׁנֵּי בְּדִיבּוּרֵיהּ. זִימְנָא חֲדָא אִיקְּלַעִי לְהָהוּא אַתְרָא, וְקוּשְׁטָא שְׁמֵיהּ, וְלָא הֲווֹ מְשַׁנֵּי בְּדִיבּוּרַיְיהוּ, וְלָא הֲוָה מָיֵית אִינִישׁ מֵהָתָם בְּלָא זִימְנֵיהּ. נְסֵיבִי אִיתְּתָא מִינְּהוֹן, וַהֲווֹ לִי תְּרֵין בְּנִין מִינַּהּ.

§ Concerning the lack of truth, Rava says: Initially I would say that there is no truth anywhere in the world. There was a certain one of the Sages, and Rav Tavut is his name, and some say Rav Tavyomei is his name, who was so honest that if they were to give him the entire world, he would not deviate from the truth in his statement. He said to me: One time I happened to come to a certain place, and Truth is its name, and its residents would not deviate from the truth in their statements, and no person from there would die prematurely. I married a woman from among them, and I had two sons from her.

שְׁלֹשָׁה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אוֹהֲבָן: מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ כּוֹעֵס, וּמִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מִשְׁתַּכֵּר, וּמִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מַעֲמִיד עַל מִדּוֹתָיו. שְׁלֹשָׁה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שׂוֹנְאָן: הַמְדַבֵּר אֶחָד בַּפֶּה וְאֶחָד בַּלֵּב, וְהַיּוֹדֵעַ עֵדוּת בַּחֲבֵירוֹ וְאֵינוֹ מֵעִיד לוֹ, וְהָרוֹאֶה דְּבַר עֶרְוָה בַּחֲבֵירוֹ וּמֵעִיד בּוֹ יְחִידִי.

The Gemara cites a similar statement. The Holy One, Blessed be He, loves three people: One who does not get angry; one who does not get drunk; and one who is forgiving. The Holy One, Blessed be He, hates three people: One who says one statement with his mouth and means another in his heart, i.e., a hypocrite; one who knows testimony about another person and does not testify on his behalf; and one who observes a licentious matter performed by another person and testifies against him alone. His testimony is meaningless, as he is the only witness; consequently, he merely gives the individual a bad reputation.

2. Nullification of Vows

וְשׁוֹאֵל וּמְבַקֵּשׁ אֲנִי מִמַּעֲלַתְכֶם הַתָּרָה עֲלֵיהֶם כִּי יָרֵאתִי פֶּן אֶכָּשֵׁל וְנִלְכַּדְתִּי ח"ו בַּעֲו‍ֹן נְדָרִים וּשְׁבוּעוֹת וּנְזִירוּת וַחֲרָמוֹת וְאִסּוּרִין וְקוֹנָמוֹת וְהַסְכָּמוֹת. וְאֵין אֲנִי תוֹהֵא ח"ו עַל קִיּוּם הַמַּעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים הָהֵם שֶׁעָשִׂיתִי, רַק אֲנִי מִתְחָרֵט עַל קַבָּלַת הָעִנְיָנִים בִּלְשׁוֹן נֶדֶר, אוֹ שְׁבוּעָה, אוּ נְזִירוּת, אוֹ אִסּוּר, אוֹ חֵרֶם, אוֹ קוֹנָם, אוֹ הַסְכָּמָה, אוֹ קַבָּלָה בְּלֵב...בְּכֻלְּהוֹן אֲנִי מִתְחָרֵט עַל לְשׁוֹן נֶדֶר וּשְׁבוּעָה וּנְזִירוּת וְאִסּוּר וְחֵרֶם וְקוֹנָם וְקַבָּלָה בְּלֵב.

And now I ask and request your excellencies for nullification for them, because I am afraid that I might stumble and become entangled God forbid, in the sin of [violating] vows, oaths, consecrations, prohibitions, konom-vows, or agreements. I do not regret, God forbid, the performance of good deeds which I have done, but I regret only my commitment to do these things in the form of a vow, oath, abstinence, prohibition, consecration; konom-vow, agreement, or resolutions...Regarding all of them— I regret using the expression of a vow, of an oath, of abstinence, of prohibition, of consecration, of konom-vow, or resolution.

כָּל נִדְרֵי וֶאֱסָרֵי וּשְׁבוּעֵי וַחֲרָמֵי וְקוֹנָמֵי וְכִנּוּיֵי. וְקִנוּסֵי דִּנְדַֽרְנָא. וּדְאִשְׁתַּבַּֽעְנָא. וּדְאַחֲרִימְנָא. וּדְאָסַֽרְנָא עַל נַפְשָׁתָֽנָא. מִיּוֹם כִּפּוּרִים זֶה עַד יוֹם כִּפּוּרִים הַבָּא עָלֵֽינוּ לְטוֹבָה. בְּכֻלְּהוֹן אִחֲרַֽטְנָא בְהוֹן. כֻּלְּהוֹן יְהוֹן שָׁרָן. שְׁבִיקִין, שְׁבִיתִין, בְּטֵלִין וּמְבֻטָּלִין, לָא שְׁרִירִין וְלָא קַיָּמִין: נִדְרָֽנָא לָא נִדְרֵי. וֶאֱסָרָֽנָא לָא אֱסָרֵי. וּשְׁבוּעָתָֽנָא לָא שְׁבוּעוֹת:

All vows, and things we have made forbidden on ourselves, and oaths, and items we have consecrated to the Temple, and vows issued with the expression “konum,” and vows which are abbreviated, and vows issued with the expression “kanos,” that we have vowed, and sworn, and dedicated, and made forbidden upon ourselves; from this Yom Kippur until next Yom Kippur— may it come to us at a good time— We regret having made them; may they all be permitted, forgiven, eradicated and nullified, and may they not be valid or exist any longer. Our vows shall no longer be vows, and our prohibitions shall no longer be prohibited, and our oaths are no longer oaths.

3. Stomaching the Truth
Flannery O'Connor:
"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it."