Rethinking Shabbat: Refuge

Commentaries on Friday Night Kiddush, V'Shamru, and Hashkiveinu

1. Text: Friday Night Kiddush

(א)בלחש:

(ב) וַיְהִי עֶֽרֶב וַיְהִי בֹֽקֶר

(ג)בקול:

(ד) יוֹם הַשִּׁשִּׁי: וַיְכֻלּוּ הַשָּׁמַֽיִם וְהָאָֽרֶץ וְכָל־צְבָאָם: וַיְכַל אֱלֹהִים בַּיּוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי מְלַאכְתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה. וַיִּשְׁבֹּת בַּיּוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי מִכָּל־מְלַאכְתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה: וַיְבָֽרֶךְ אֱלֹהִים אֶת־יוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי וַיְקַדֵּשׁ אֹתוֹ. כִּי בוֹ שָׁבַת מִכָּל מְלַאכְתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר־בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים לַעֲשׂוֹת:

(ה) סַבְרִי מָרָנָן וְרַבּוֹתַי:

(ו) בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּֽפֶן:

(ז) בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהוָה אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָֽׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְרָֽצָה בָֽנוּ, וְשַׁבַּת קָדְשׁוֹ בְּאַהֲבָה וּבְרָצוֹן הִנְחִילָֽנוּ, זִכָּרוֹן לְמַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית. (כִּי הוּא יוֹם) תְּחִלָּה לְמִקְרָאֵי קֹֽדֶשׁ, זֵֽכֶר לִיצִיאַת מִצְרָֽיִם. (כִּי בָֽנוּ בָחַֽרְתָּ וְאוֹתָֽנוּ קִדַּֽשְׁתָּ מִכָּל הָעַמִּים) וְשַׁבַּת קָדְשְׁךָ בְּאַהֲבָה וּבְרָצוֹן הִנְחַלְתָּֽנוּ. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהוָה, מְקַדֵּשׁ הַשַּׁבָּת:

Siddur Ashkenaz, Shabbat, Shabbat Evening, Kiddush

(1)Recite quietly:

(2) And evening came, then morning came:

(3)Recite aloud:

(4) the sixth day. The heavens and the earth were completed and [so were] all their hosts. And God completed, by the seventh day, His work which He had done; and He abstained on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. And God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, for on it He abstained from all His work which God had created to do.

(5) Attention! our masters and our teachers:

(6) Blessed are You, Adonoy our God, King of the Universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.

(7) Blessed are You, Adonoy our God, King of the Universe, Who sanctified us with His commandments and was pleased with us. And His holy Sabbath, with love and pleasure, He gave us for a heritage, a commemoration of the work of creation. (For this day is) the first of the days of holy convocations commemorating the exodus from Egypt. (For us have You chosen and us have You sanctified from among all the peoples.) And Your holy Sabbath with love and pleasure You gave us for a heritage. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Sanctifier of the Sabbath.

(8) Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, Who sanctified us with His commandments and was pleased with us. And He gave us His holy Sabbath, with love and pleasure, as a heritage, a commemoration of the work of creation. (For this day is) the first of the days of holy convocations commemorating the exodus from Egypt. (For You have chosen us, and You have sanctified us from among all the peoples.) And You gave us Your holy Sabbath, with love and pleasure, as a heritage.

(9) Blessed are You, Lord, Sanctifier of the Sabbath.

Commentary- Rabbi Ari Lorge

"Many American couples have a curious relationship with their weddings, storing away all the heightened feelings of joy and celebration, as well as the many previous hours of intention and care about every detail, in albums, videos, and other memorabilia of the Big Day. The practice of Shabbat beckons us to remember those feelings and that intention and care each week. Reciting the Shabbat kiddush [blessing over wine] can serve as one model for reinvigorating what we so often take for granted in our partners. Strictly speaking, the Shabbat kiddush reminds us to do three things: set aside time to find new meaning in our partnership with God, celebrate that relationship, and re-live its defining moments for our people through recalling the creation, the exodus from Egypt, and the revelation of Torah at Mt. Sinai. In order to bring a sense of renewal and strength into our relationships, we can learn to carve out sacred time for them and celebrate them just as we are called to do for Shabbat itself. We can also bring to mind the defining moments of our deepest human relationships, recalling them weekly, so that those heightened feelings of joy and celebration along with that same level of intention and care that we once invested in establishing those relationships, can endure over time in the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves."

Rabbi Lorge, cofounder of Reyut: The Jewish Campaign for Healthy Relationships with his twin sister Sari Lipsett, currently serves New York City’s Central Synagogue as associate rabbi. He co-chairs JWI’s Clergy Task Force with Rabbi Marla Hornsten.

Conversations

What are some ways we can ritualize the celebration of our relationships and re-live their defining moments?
How can we intentionally incorporate these actions into our weekly routine? Here is one example, shared by Barbara Hirsh and Rabbi Richard Hirsh: "We have always followed the practice of blessing our children on Friday night, but never did anything ritually to recognize each other. Now, following handwashing (before which we remove our wedding bands), we each replace the other’s ring, creating a moment each week reminiscent of our time under the huppah."
Are there other aspects of observing Shabbat that you feel can help you renew and strengthen your closest relationships?

2. Text: V'Shamru

שמות ל״א:ט״ז-י״ז

(טז) וְשָׁמְר֥וּ בְנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל אֶת־הַשַּׁבָּ֑ת לַעֲשׂ֧וֹת אֶת־הַשַּׁבָּ֛ת לְדֹרֹתָ֖ם בְּרִ֥ית עוֹלָֽם׃ (יז) בֵּינִ֗י וּבֵין֙ בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל א֥וֹת הִ֖וא לְעֹלָ֑ם כִּי־שֵׁ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֗ים עָשָׂ֤ה יְהֹוָה֙ אֶת־הַשָּׁמַ֣יִם וְאֶת־הָאָ֔רֶץ וּבַיּוֹם֙ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔י שָׁבַ֖ת וַיִּנָּפַֽשׁ׃ {ס}

Exodus 31:16-17

(16) The Israelite people shall keep the sabbath, observing the sabbath throughout the ages as a covenant for all time: (17) it shall be a sign for all time between Me and the people of Israel. For in six days GOD made heaven and earth, [before] ceasing from work and being refreshed on the seventh day.

Commentary- Rabbi Seth Winberg

"The phrase shomer Shabbat – literally, someone who guards Shabbat – evokes the idea of abstention from all kinds of work including the kindling of flame. Thus in our time, driving or riding in a car, lighting a stove, turning on electric lights or using electronic devices are among the activities prohibited on Shabbat. In ancient times, the act of guarding, sh’mirah also applied to the Temple, God’s house, and involved preserving both its physical integrity and its spiritual purpose. Since a Jewish home is now considered a mini-Temple [mikdash me’at] whose dining table symbolizes the ancient altar, we can apply this same notion of guarding, sh’mirah, to our own home, learning to regard it as a holy place where God can dwell. Most of us are attuned to our home’s physical integrity; we notice leaks, cracked paint, dirty kitchen counters. Are we as attuned to the spiritual side of the relationships unfolding within them? The Book of Proverbs [Mishlei] reminds us that by wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Shabbat is an opportunity to step back and assess the growth of qualities like wisdom, understanding, and knowledge in the relationships that exist within the intimacy of our homes – their spiritual integrity."

Rabbi Seth Winberg is the executive director of Metro Chicago Hillel and previously served as assistant director of the University of Michigan Hillel. He was ordained by Yeshivat Chovevei Torah and is a former member of JWI’s Clergy Task Force.

Conversations

Are there steps you can take to transform your home into a ‘mini-Temple’ – a space that feels protected and sacred? What do you think might change in a relationship for which a sacred space is carved out?
Thinking about the quote from Proverbs above, what does the phrase through knowledge the rooms [of a house] are filled... mean to you personally?
The concept of sh’mirah, guarding, becomes even more challenging in our wired world where the pings of texts and emails punctuate our lives. How do you set boundaries to safeguard personal relationships and to “tune out the world?” How can we encourage the teenagers we love, who are particularly wired to technology, to do the same?

3. Text 3: Haskiveinu

סידור אשכנז, ימי חול, מעריב, ברכות קריאת שמע, השכיבנו ב׳

הַשְׁכִּיבֵֽנוּ יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ לְשָׁלוֹם וְהַעֲמִידֵֽנוּ מַלְכֵּֽנוּ לְחַיִּים וּפְרוֹשׂ עָלֵֽינוּ סֻכַּת שְׁלוֹמֶֽךָ וְתַקְּ֒נֵֽנוּ בְּעֵצָה טוֹבָה מִלְּ֒פָנֶֽיךָ וְהוֹשִׁיעֵֽנוּ לְמַֽעַן שְׁמֶֽךָ וְהָגֵן בַּעֲדֵֽנוּ וְהָסֵר מֵעָלֵֽינוּ אוֹיֵב דֶּֽבֶר וְחֶֽרֶב וְרָעָב וְיָגוֹן וְהָסֵר שָׂטָן מִלְּ֒פָנֵֽינוּ וּמֵאַחֲרֵֽינוּ וּבְצֵל כְּנָפֶֽיךָ תַּסְתִּירֵֽנוּ כִּי אֵל שׁוֹמְ֒רֵֽנוּ וּמַצִּילֵֽנוּ אָֽתָּה כִּי אֵל מֶֽלֶךְ חַנּוּן וְרַחוּם אָֽתָּה וּשְׁמוֹר צֵאתֵֽנוּ וּבוֹאֵֽנוּ לְחַיִּים וּלְשָׁלוֹם מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עוֹלָם: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה שׁוֹמֵר עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל לָעַד:

Siddur Ashkenaz, Weekday, Maariv, Blessings of the Shema, Second Blessing after Shema 2

Adonoy our God; make us lie down in peace, our King, raise us again to life Spread over us the shelter of Your peace, and direct us to better ourselves through Your good counsel; and deliver us for Your Name’s sake. Shield us, and remove from us enemies, pestilence, sword, famine and sorrow. Remove the adversary from before us and from behind us, and shelter us in the shadow of Your wings. For, Almighty, You are our Protector and Rescuer, For, Almighty You are a gracious and merciful King. Guard our going out and our coming in for life and peace for now forever. Blessed are You, Adonoy, Who guards His people Israel forever.

Commentary- Cantor Deborah Katchko-Gray

"The beautiful hashkivenu prayer asks for comfort, protection, and peace. For some Jews, reaching this particular prayer in the Friday night service brings about a feeling of serenity. But what if you feel you’re in an unhealthy relationship, or are pretty sure that someone you care about is struggling in one? For many contemporary Jews, praying doesn’t come easily, especially prayers offered up according to ancient texts. Yet the hashkivenu has signposts pointing directly toward help for those who feel trapped in their most intimate relationships. Take a look at the prayer’s verbs with their deeply honest pleas, in this modern translation: Motivate us to go to sleep in peace. Rouse us, wake us up to life. Inspire us to find good advice that has the touch of the sacred about it. Distance us from wrongdoing and from those who would hurt us. Protect us as we come and go. And at the prayer’s end, Spread over us the shelter of your peace. It’s not easy to separate oneself from the stress, criticism, or wrongdoing of an abusive partner or to figure out if leaving will bring peace or not. The hashkivenu can help those who are feeling neither comfort nor peace find words for the internal questions that do eventually animate us toward a different reality. It is also the only prayer that mentions a shelter, a sukkat sh’lomecha, a dwelling place for peace. How fitting that the hashkivenu belongs to Shabbat, a time of refuge, just as an intimate relationship should be a place of refuge."

Cantor Deborah Katchko-Gray, a fourth-generation cantor, serves Temple Shearith Israel in Ridgefield, CT. She is an international vice president of cantors for Women of the Wall, the founder of the Women Cantors’ Network in 1982, and a member of JWI’s Clergy Task Force.

Conversations

In a period of turmoil, it can be challenging to find a calming image that brings with it a feeling of comfort and peace. Is there a particular phrase in the hashkivenu that could help you create a mental picture of serenity and protection?
If you had to explain Shabbat to someone who had never heard of the idea, how would you describe it at this point in your life?
What does the phrase rouse us to life mean to you at this moment?

To download a PDF of the complete guide, click here.
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Joshua Rabin

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Rethinking Shabbat: Women, Relationships, and Jewish Texts