Parenting God | Voices on Sefaria

Parenting God

1. Obligation

(ט) אַתֶּ֨ם נִצָּבִ֤ים הַיּוֹם֙ כֻּלְּכֶ֔ם לִפְנֵ֖י ה' אֱלֹקֵיכֶ֑ם רָאשֵׁיכֶ֣ם שִׁבְטֵיכֶ֗ם זִקְנֵיכֶם֙ וְשֹׁ֣טְרֵיכֶ֔ם כֹּ֖ל אִ֥ישׁ יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃(י) טַפְּכֶ֣ם נְשֵׁיכֶ֔ם וְגֵ֣רְךָ֔ אֲשֶׁ֖ר בְּקֶ֣רֶב מַחֲנֶ֑יךָ מֵחֹטֵ֣ב עֵצֶ֔יךָ עַ֖ד שֹׁאֵ֥ב מֵימֶֽיךָ׃(יא) לְעָבְרְךָ֗ בִּבְרִ֛ית ה' אֱלֹקֶ֖יךָ וּבְאָלָת֑וֹ אֲשֶׁר֙ ה' אֱלֹקֶ֔יךָ כֹּרֵ֥ת עִמְּךָ֖ הַיּֽוֹם׃(יב) לְמַ֣עַן הָקִֽים־אֹתְךָ֩ הַיּ֨וֹם ׀ ל֜וֹ לְעָ֗ם וְה֤וּא יִֽהְיֶה־לְּךָ֙ לֵֽאלֹקִ֔ים כַּאֲשֶׁ֖ר דִּבֶּר־לָ֑ךְ וְכַאֲשֶׁ֤ר נִשְׁבַּע֙ לַאֲבֹתֶ֔יךָ לְאַבְרָהָ֥ם לְיִצְחָ֖ק וּֽלְיַעֲקֹֽב׃(יג) וְלֹ֥א אִתְּכֶ֖ם לְבַדְּכֶ֑ם אָנֹכִ֗י כֹּרֵת֙ אֶת־הַבְּרִ֣ית הַזֹּ֔את וְאֶת־הָאָלָ֖ה הַזֹּֽאת׃(יד) כִּי֩ אֶת־אֲשֶׁ֨ר יֶשְׁנ֜וֹ פֹּ֗ה עִמָּ֙נוּ֙ עֹמֵ֣ד הַיּ֔וֹם לִפְנֵ֖י ה' אֱלֹקֵ֑ינוּ וְאֵ֨ת אֲשֶׁ֥ר אֵינֶ֛נּוּ פֹּ֖ה עִמָּ֥נוּ הַיּֽוֹם׃

Deuteronomy 29:9-14

(9) You stand this day, all of you, before the LORD your God—your tribal heads, your elders and your officials, all the men of Israel,(10) your children, your wives, even the stranger within your camp, from woodchopper to water drawer—(11) to enter into the covenant of the LORD your God, which the LORD your God is concluding with you this day, with its sanctions;(12) to the end that He may establish you this day as His people and be your God, as He promised you and as He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.(13) I make this covenant, with its sanctions, not with you alone,(14) but both with those who are standing here with us this day before the LORD our God and with those who are not with us here this day.

שבת פ״ח א:ה׳

״וַיִּתְיַצְּבוּ בְּתַחְתִּית הָהָר״, אָמַר רַב אַבְדִּימִי בַּר חָמָא בַּר חַסָּא: מְלַמֵּד שֶׁכָּפָה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עֲלֵיהֶם אֶת הָהָר כְּגִיגִית, וְאָמַר לָהֶם: אִם אַתֶּם מְקַבְּלִים הַתּוֹרָה מוּטָב, וְאִם לָאו — שָׁם תְּהֵא קְבוּרַתְכֶם.

אָמַר רַב אַחָא בַּר יַעֲקֹב: מִכָּאן מוֹדָעָא רַבָּה לְאוֹרָיְיתָא. אָמַר רָבָא: אַף עַל פִּי כֵן הֲדוּר קַבְּלוּהָ בִּימֵי אֲחַשְׁוֵרוֹשׁ, דִּכְתִיב: ״קִיְּמוּ וְקִבְּלוּ הַיְּהוּדִים״ — קִיְּימוּ מַה שֶּׁקִּיבְּלוּ כְּבָר.

Shabbat 88a:5

The Torah says, “And Moses brought forth the people out of the camp to meet God; and they stood at the lowermost part of the mount” (Exodus 19:17). Rabbi Avdimi bar Ḥama bar Ḥasa said: the Jewish people actually stood beneath the mountain, and the verse teaches that the Holy One, Blessed be He, overturned the mountain above the Jews like a tub, and said to them: If you accept the Torah, excellent, and if not, there will be your burial.

Rav Aḥa bar Ya’akov said: From here there is a substantial caveat to the obligation to fulfill the Torah. The Jewish people can claim that they were coerced into accepting the Torah, and it is therefore not binding. Rava said: Even so, they again accepted it willingly in the time of Ahasuerus, as it is written: “The Jews ordained, and took upon them, and upon their seed, and upon all such as joined themselves unto them” (Esther 9:27), and he taught: The Jews ordained what they had already taken upon themselves through coercion at Sinai.

The Obligated Self p.9

To be an obligated self was to be subject to the law of another: the Law of the Baby. The law could not be fulfilled in abstract, but only in active, embodied, material actions: soothing, feeding, cleaning, comforting, distracting, smiling and wiping....

The force of the Law of Another was greater than anything I could have anticipated or to which I could have assented. I had never explicitly agreed to be subject to it, although as an adult who was compos mentis, clearly I had some idea what I was getting into... Nonetheless, I could not agree to the law before I was already subject to it. And once in place, I could only violate the law through intention or frustration; I could not cast it off. I transgressed the law as often as I fulfilled it, leaving my crying baby or comfort-seeking toddler to calm herself when I could not bring myself to respond. Nonetheless, it was clear to me that there was a law, and that the law applied to me by virtue of being my child's parent...

And yet, as the midrash conveys, we cannot simply submit... Agency is crucial to human flourishing... We always stand "under the mountain," positioned only to respond to the conditionality of our being and of the others who constitute our being in the world. Our freedom consists not in casting off all that binds us, but rather in recognising that our boundedness and our agency are each parts of a greater whole.

2. Love

ויקרא י״ט:י״ח

(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י ה'׃

Leviticus 19:18

Love your fellow as yourself: I am the LORD.

דברים י׳:י״ט

(יט) וַאֲהַבְתֶּ֖ם אֶת־הַגֵּ֑ר כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃

Deuteronomy 10:19

(19) You too must love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.

דברים ו׳:ה׳

(ה) וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת ה' אֱלֹקֶ֑יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכָל־מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃

Deuteronomy 6:5

(5) You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

The Obligated Self p.30

Rabbinic texts, as I have argued, operate with the assumption that obligated activity, even without proper motivation, promotes a desired disposition [מתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה, "doing things for the wrong reason leads to doing them for the right reason]. The rabbis understood the phenomenology of love and obligation that many mothers experience daily.

But rabbinic theological anthropology does not acknowledge the broader systems without which love can not emerge from obligation. The acknowledgment of the contingency of maternal love on factors "external" to the mother herself - including even the very activity of caregiving - offers a challenge and an opportunity for thinking about the religious meaning of commanded love.

3. Otherness

אגרת הרמב"ן ד׳

וּבַעֲבוּר הָעֲנָוָה, תַּעֲלֶה עַל לִבְּךָ מִדַּת הַיִּרְאָה, כִּי תִתֵּן אֶל לִבְּךָ תָּמִיד: מֵאַיִן בָּאתָ, וּלְאַן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ; וְשֶׁאַתָּה רִמָּה וְתוֹלֵעָה בְּחַיֶּיךָ, וְאַף כִּי בְּמוֹתָךְ; וְלִפְנֵי מִי אַתָּה עָתִיד לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן, לִפְנֵי מֶלֶךְ הַכָּבוֹד, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דה"ב ו יח): "הִנֵּה שָׁמַיִם וּשְׁמֵי הַשָׁמַיִם לֹא יְכַלְכְּלוּךָ", אַף כִּי לִבּוֹת בְּנֵי אָדָם (ע"פ משלי טו יא). וְנֶאֱמַר (ירמיהו כג כד): "הֲלֹא אֵת הַשָׁמַיִם וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ אֲנִי מָלֵא, נְאֻם ה'".

Iggeret HaRamban 4

Through humility you will also come to fear God. It will cause you to always think about (Pirkei Avot 3:1) "where you came from and where you are going," and that while alive you are only like a maggot and a worm as after death, and before Whom you will eventually stand for judgment, the Glorious King, as it is written (I Kings 8:27) (Chronicles II 6:18) "Even the heaven and the heavens of heaven cannot contain You" -- "How much less the hearts of people!"(Mishlei 15:11), It is also written (Jeremiah 23:24), "Do I not fill heaven and earth? says the Lord."

The Obligated Self p.88

Parents' simultaneous sense of responsibility for and implication in their children suggests that the Other need not be figured as utterly outside of oneself in order to issue a command, nor as simply an extension of oneself in order to be perceived as a co-participant in a common reality. So too for the divine Other. The interconnection, difference, and responsibility that characterises the asymetrical relationship between God and human beings is given texture by the work of caring for and raising a child...

The human being who understands herself as a matter of divine concern cannot have theological intimacy without theological mystery and vice versa. Child-rearing is a daily practicum in this complex form of relationality.

סידור ספרד, ברכה אחרונה, ברכת שהחיינו

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱלֹקֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְמַן הַזֶּה:

Siddur Sefard, Blessings, Shehecheyanu

Blessed are you, God our God, Ruler of the Universe, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this moment.

Josh Weiner

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