“V’heherish lah”: if a woman makes an oath in her father or her husband’s house (under his authority) and he is silent in relation to her, the oath stands.
Silence is tacit compliance. It is the absence of opposition. It may not be enthusiastic, but it accepts because it does not need to deny. Silence gives the woman authority to make a binding obligation between herself and God.
In ancient times, a woman usually lived under the authority of her husband or father. Today, when I look for an analogue, I think of the way our children live under parental authority. There is an important difference in these two scenarios of authority: children are always on a path to adulthood, whereas in ancient times, women might find themselves in situations of autonomy, but only under certain circumstances, not as a matter of course.
Nevertheless, the analogy allows us to consider when silence is called for as we take care of those entrusted to us, in a God-given universe. When adults care for and protect children, it is with the presumption that as children grow, increasingly more decisions will be theirs to make. The obligations they take upon themselves will bind them, not us. Their messes will be their own to clean up; their achievements, their own as well. When a child reaches the age of mitzvot, the “ol mitzvot,” the yoke of commandments, is now theirs alone.
Each human being has a voice. A child has a voice.
Each human being has a will. And ideas. A religious person will have that voice, will, and ideas, in relation to God, as well as to other human beings.
Sometimes, when I hear my child’s voice, then my voice – as a parent -- is called for in order to oppose, to limit, to deny my child’s desires and impulses, to countermand their speech. When I must intervene to prevent, then I speak.
But at other moments, holy moments, when a child asserts his or her deepest self in a form that bears no harm, then maybe we need to be silent – “v’heherish lah.” Let their words stand. Recognize their autonomy, their intention, their selfhood, a selfhood that comes into being through speech, but also through adult silence.
Not every act nor every speech act that a child practices needs parental commentary, not even approval or confirmation. The world is vast and its silences need to be a comfort, too.
If I can find the right silence, my child can begin to hear and speak.
Another ear is listening.

Ilana Blumberg is a prize-winning author and teacher.

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