Rethinking Shabbat: Peace

Commentaries on Birkat Ha'Yeladim and Shalom Aleikhem

1. Birkat Ha'Yeladim- The Children's Blessing

(א)מנהג ישראל לברך את הילדים בלילי שבת כשבאים מבית הכנסת:

(ב)לבן יְשִׂימְךָ אֱלֹהִים כְּאֶפְרַיִם וְכִמְנַשֶּׁה: יְבָרֶכְךָ יְהֹוָה וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ: יָאֵר יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָ: יִשָּׁא יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם:

(ג)לבת יְשִׂימֵךְ אֱלֹהִים כְּשָׂרָה רִבְקָה רָחֵל וְלֵאָה. יְבָרֶכְךָ יְהֹוָה וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ: יָאֵר יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָ: יִשָּׁא יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם:

Siddur Ashkenaz, Shabbat, Shabbat Evening, Blessing the Children

(1)It has become a widely accepted custom for parents to bless their children on the eve of Shabbos. The placing of both hands upon the child's head when giving the blessing, symbolizes that the blessing is bestowed with fullness of spirit and heart.

(2)For a boy: May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe. May Adonoy bless you and guard you. May Adonoy shine His countenance upon you and be gracious unto you. May Adonoy turn His countenance toward you and grant you peace.

(3)For a girl: May God make you like Sorah, Rivkah, Rochel and Leah. May Adonoy bless you and guard you. May Adonoy shine His countenance upon you and be gracious unto you. May Adonoy turn His countenance toward you and grant you peace.

Commentary- Rabbi Nicole Roberts

"How often this well-intentioned moment of blessing the children does not go as planned! Hungry toddlers squirm in parents’ arms, young children act silly or argue tearfully over who gets to say motzi [blessing over bread] or sit next to grandma. So much for the hope that a recurring ritual will usher in a day of peace after a hectic week. Parents may wonder, How can we help the children ‘get it’? How can we help them recognize how fortunate they are to be part of a family, and a tradition, that makes time each week to cherish them?

Though the holiness of this moment may be lost on the kids, parents persist, perhaps because birkat ha’yeladim is as much for them as for the children. Before our patriarch Jacob blesses his grandchildren, Ephraim and Menashe, he marvels at the miracle of having lived to see not only his son, Joseph, whom he had long thought dead, but even Joseph’s own sons. What unexpected, spiritual bounty he receives in his old age!

This moment of marvel is the kavannah [intention] behind birkat ha’yeladim: our loved ones embody the miracles and holy surprises in our lives. Although, for us, the moment of blessing may not go as planned, sometimes the unplanned is a blessing in itself. Our children’s appreciation and decorum may be wanting but the blessing’s concluding word, shalom, reflects the sense of fullness and abundance that brought us to this moment in the first place. With this, we enter Shabbat."

Rabbi Roberts serves as rabbi at North Shore Temple Emanuel in New South Wales, Australia and as treasurer of the Council of Progressive Rabbis of Australia, New Zealand, and Asia. She received her ordination from the Hebrew Union College and has recently joined JWI’s Clergy Task Force:

Conversation

What acts or family rituals make you feel cherished in the lives of your loved ones? Who are the miracles in your life and how do you let them know you are grateful for them?
When does “the unplanned” feel holy? When does it feel scary?
If you have children at home, how do you and your partner handle their fighting?

סידור אשכנז, שבת, ליל שבת, ברכת הבנים ג׳

לבת יְשִׂימֵךְ אֱלֹהִים כְּשָׂרָה רִבְקָה רָחֵל וְלֵאָה. יְבָרֶכְךָ יְהֹוָה וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ: יָאֵר יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָ: יִשָּׁא יְהֹוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם:

Siddur Ashkenaz, Shabbat, Shabbat Evening, Blessing the Children 3

For a girl: May God make you like Sorah, Rivkah, Rochel and Leah. May Adonoy bless you and guard you. May Adonoy shine His countenance upon you and be gracious unto you. May Adonoy turn His countenance toward you and grant you peace.

2. Shalom Aleikhem- Welcoming the Angels

In many traditionally observant Jewish homes, the following song is recited before the Shabbat meal. As family members gather around the table, some hold hands or place their arms around one another’s shoulders while singing, welcoming the angels believed to accompany the arrival of Shabbat and bidding farewell to those who watched over the home during the previous week.

שלום עליכם א׳

(א) שָׁלוֹם עֲלֵיכֶם מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁרֵת, מַלְאֲכֵי עֶלְיוֹן מִמֶּֽלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.

(ב) בּוֹאֲכֶם לְשָׁלוֹם מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁלוֹם, מַלְאֲכֵי עֶלְיוֹן מִמֶּֽלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.

(ג) בָּרְכֽוּנִי לְשָׁלוֹם מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁלוֹם, מַלְאֲכֵי עֶלְיוֹן מִמֶּֽלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.

(ד) צֵאתְכֶם לְשָׁלוֹם מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁלוֹם, מַלְאֲכֵי עֶלְיוֹן מִמֶּֽלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא.

Shalom Aleichem 1

(1) Peace be with you, ministering angels, messengers of the Most High, sent by the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He.

(2) Come in peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, sent by the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He.

(3) Bless me with peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, sent by the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He.

(4) Go in peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, sent by the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He.

Commentary- Rabbi Susan Shankman

"We can still find wisdom in the following Talmudic passage on which the beloved song *Shalom Aleichem* is based, despite the obvious absence, in the story, of women at Friday night services.

According to the Talmud, two angels accompany each Jew home from synagogue every Friday night. When they arrive, if the table is set, the house is clean, the food prepared, and the family dressed for Shabbat, the good angel says, “So may it be next Shabbat,” and the evil angel is obligated to say amen. If, however, the home is in disarray, the food burnt, and the family not ready to greet the Sabbath—or even worse, if they are arguing—the evil angel says, “So may it be next Shabbat,” and the good angel is obligated to say amen.

This midrash describes a pivotal moment at the onset of each Shabbat, a unique opportunity at the end of every week to reflect on our closest relationships. It encourages us to consider whether we are currently enjoying *shalom bayit*, a sense of peace in the home about which we can feel proud and want to share with others. It is worth noting that neither angel says, “May it always be so.” The phrase “So may it be next Shabbat” reminds us that the possibility of real change exists at all times. Each week we have the chance to devote new energy toward creating more peace. As we enter our homes this Shabbat, let us take a deep breath and remember that the day is not ending—it is just beginning. May we strive to find a level of *shalom* that the ministering angels would be proud of."

Rabbi Shankman serves as a rabbi at Washington Hebrew Congregation, where her responsibilities include adult education, social action, outreach and programming for young families, and sisterhood. She is also the immediate past president of the Washington, D.C.-area Board of Rabbis and a member of JWI’s Clergy Task Force.

Conversation

What does shalom bayit, or “peace in the home,” look like for you? Has your vision of a peaceful home changed over the years?
Have you and your partner shared your visions of *shalom bayit*? Do they match? Do you feel you can work together to achieve a shared sense of peace in the home?
More generally, what do you think people can do to help make their relationships—romantic and non-romantic—feel blessed from week to week?

To download a PDF of the complete guide, click here.

Clergy Task Force on Domestic Abuse

Topics

Part of Collections

Rethinking Shabbat: Women, Relationships, and Jewish Texts